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When I hear the phrase 'going viral' I automatically assume herpes is involved at some point
I think my grasp of the obvious is starting to slip
Beware a woman with a vivid imagination and a severe lack of impulse control.
I wonder why you never see obese zombies...
Must be a metabolism thing
I need some crazy…twitter, do your thing
I consider you my prisoners. React appropriately
I'd tweet about sex but there's that whole writing about what you know thing...
Never understood why guys in Viagra commercials seem so happy. They're admitting their wieners don't work
Having a twitter crush is taking the concept of an imaginary friend to a whole different disturbing level…
Life rule: maintain solid distance from people who brush their teeth in public restrooms
I have one hoodie and the zipper’s stuck. Single for life I guess
Think “nefarious” is a good one word description for you guys
Mental abscesses filled with fragments of shattered dreams attacked by psychic antibodies building mazes
I wish I could remember the last time I got snugglefucked
Truth: no one fucking cares. Accept that and you’re a long ways toward being okay
Let's overanalyze some shit and get all pissy while we're at it
Is it just me or does this place feel kinda inbred sometimes
I've gotta go through my sock basket and get rid of the 'holy ones' lol
Your feeble skills are no challenge to the power of the dark side