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I wish I could be like those people who don't have jobs, but always have money for beer.
Oh right, no roommate anymore. I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT NOW.
No, phone! It is not ok to autocorrect every word that begins with "p" to "pussy"! NO NO NO
Sitting alone in my room again instead of partying. Thanks, social anxiety.
COOL ANOTHER BOTTLE OF WINE THAT I CAN'T OPEN
Sometimes I just wanna type out my thoughts but they're like on twitter and people are like "what was that tweet about?" Probably you.
I'm the "touch my face" kinda drunk.
So, how many tickles does it take to tickle a squid? Ten tickles.
Sometimes you go from feeling incredibly awesome about yourself to feeling incredibly horrible about yourself in like half a second.
This movie is starting out so terrible. If I don't see a zombie or someone getting ripped apart in a few mins, it's not worth it.
I think I hate wine now. So hungover I might throw up. Good thing I only work 5 hours today.
My kid:I'm gonna eat candy right now. YOU DON'T KNOW ME.
Drunkenly singing along to Bad Religion. Glad no one is here to hear this. Sad no one is here to sing along.
Kids make everything sticky. Also, poopie diapers.
I'm quite buzzed and my family has no idea.
Daycares smell so gross.
Why yes, I am cooking just Mozzarella cheese in a frying pan at 3am. I do what I want.