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Want followers? Tweet something funny.
Can't think of anything? Tweet something honest.
Can't say anything honest or funny?
I want a woman that makes my dick hard.
Not my life.
Killing yourself doesn't end the pain.
It passes it on to others.
I think women go bat shit crazy every once in a while just to let us know they're tired of being the responsible one.
I see dead people.
Well technically they're stupid people, but give me a few minutes.
This ugly chick at the bar told me her favorite position is doggy-style.
Bitch please, like you have a choice.
Don't worry about who following you or who's not following back.
Worry about why that worries you.
It's really hard to find a great woman.
Because they don't need a man.
What's black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee you racist fuck.
I would pay good money to see the mayhem guy from Allstate hate-fuck Flo from Progressive.
If at any point your religion makes you hate another person,
either you're a hypocrite or your religion is.
You guys are fucking hilarious!
You can make sexist, racist, and fascist jokes all fucking day.
But god forbid you misspell or steal it.
Do you know what an RT says to me?
That you're not ashamed to be my friend.
If you found out you were dying would you be nicer, love more, try something new?
Well, you are.
We all are.
Fuck tweeting like no one is watching.
Tweet like you're trying to get unfollowed.
I think Facebook would draw more Tweeters to their network if they would change their 'Poke' feature to 'Stab'.
People think Twitter is about who to follow or who follows you.
It's about tweets. Tweet what you like and follow the tweets that you like.
My wife is playing hard to get.
The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.
No regrets! Tell someone you love exactly that. No matter how hard you think it might be, because saying it to a gravestone is a LOT harder.
Twitter should be an escape, not a destination. http://favstar.fm/users/shanethevein