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Spending the day out with my wife is basically running around looking for bathrooms.
Religion + hate = idiots
My religion says you should pay me more money.
Stop defending Kim Davis, it's part of her job description now.
If it's against her religion then find another job.
As a matter of fact the news has been more entertaining than my timeline lately.
You guys are like the CNN-FOX News-MSNBC of Twitter.
Hey Apple Pay, how'd you pay for that iPhone?
That's what I thought.
I hate the term 'Musical Genius'.
Your music is nice and all but it ain't gonna cure ebola.
They say that women can be friends with men but men can't be friends with women.
Something bout them thinking of fucking em every 7 seconds
Who named that movie Everest instead of White People?
This is just a reminder to myself not to call Denise at work "Ms Piggy" tomorrow.
Especially since she works in HR.
I think it's fucked up that the Muppets named the new pig Denise
I don't know any guys named Kermit but I know a lot of chicks named Denise
What's the difference between today and taco Monday or taco Wednesday?
When I was young we had to shake our selfies for like 2 minutes and we could only post it on our bedroom walls.
They should remove the word 'common' from common sense and common courtesy and replace it with rarely or hardly.
There's a large number of people sitting at a Starbucks right now that shouldn't be sitting at a Starbucks right now.
You know who you are.
I remember when people running for President were smarter than myself.
Some of these touchdown dances are getting out of hand.
Calm down lady.
Twitter should be an escape, not a destination. http://favstar.fm/users/shanethevein/recent
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