Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Just got a BUI, FML.
(Bicycling Under the Influence)
(Find Me a Lawyer)
I rode a bike 6 miles to the beach and now I'm having chicken wings and beer.
It's all about balance.
I'm using this joke format on Twitter years old.
Almost got hit by 3 cars right now riding a bike.
Exercising is dangerous.
⇦ (follows 5000 people so he'll always have something to read)
(logs in... nothing but retweets)
Have a little bit of sex and everyone starts unfollowing you.
I miss the days when I used to get drunk without my cell phone.
Any router can be a wireless router with a pair of scissors.
I should start using the word "Rad" again.
That'd be cool.
I don't tweet for stars anymore...
You can't make anyone happy.
You can only accentuate their happiness.
Sexed my wife so good she fell asleep
Took her phone & posted on her wall "I'm 'peter'ed out"
People on Facebook don't know how funny I am
Don't use Twitter to fill a void.
You're just creating new ones.
You think hate fucking is fun?
Try having sex with someone you admire.
If loving you is wrong
try a little to the right.
This idiot just called me "Ironic" while trying to call me an idiot.
I don't think Ghostface Killah put a lot of thought into his name.
You can't see ghosts. So basically he's a Noface Killah.
Twitter should be an escape, not a destination. http://t.co/c45tQqBIiD