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Just cause I make a joke about your candidate doesn't mean I'm voting for the other candidate.
It means I made a joke about your candidate.
Bill Clinton had more than one secret service, if you know what I mean.
What's with "in loving memory" stickers on the back of people's car windows?
Is that what you're supposed to do when you run someone over?
Republicans and Democrats are like the Bloods and Crips for white people.
There's more famous regular people today than ever.
"Google me" is the new "Don't you know who I am?"
Miss Cleo dies at 53.
I bet she didn't see that coming.
Hillary's slogan should be "If I'm good enough for Bill I should be good enough for you".
I'm disgusted by both candidates so I'm over this election but I know when people are passionate about something so have fun, good night.
The wife and I haven't been romantic in quite some time.
We still fuck though.
It's fucked up that Monday rhymes with Sunday.
Monday is NOT a fun day.
I gave a redhead some ginger ale but it didn't work.
Fourth night in a row of me drinking, I blame politics.
The new Star Trek movie was actually pretty good.
Spoiler alert : it's still about Star Trek.
Sunday mornings are for sleeping in... her.
Seriously, we're stuck together now.
"Fag" is to gay people like what the "N" word is to black people.
They use it all the time.
Okay Comic Con, we have enough Suicide Squad version Harley Quinns.
In God we trust.
Fuck religion though.
There's no loyalty amongst Steves.
Twitter should be an escape, not a destination. http://t.co/gtqZ5pdQHs
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