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Dude just seriously told me "I can't be a racist, I'm black".
Told my friend that I needed a raincheck on dinner tonight and he said it would be partly cloudy with 10% chance of precipitation.
I bet Lea Thompson wipes back to the future.
Shout out to all the bitches wearing red, white and blue bikinis yesterday.
(thinks of a good tweet a year after the event)
One Direction should change their name to One Less Direction.
Happy Memorial day to active & retired military but let's remember our fallen heroes on this day like my grandpa who fought in 2 wars. RIP
I go to my list and it's nothing but retweets.
Time to create new lists.
I bet the president has unprotected sex.
Or at the least he makes the secret service stand outside the door.
It doesn't matter if it's love, respect or hate.
It sucks when they don't feel as passionate about it as you do.
Sometimes I take off my wedding ring to see how I used to look.
Hahaha. Laughing at these Mexicans standing at the corner liquor store with all their tattoos.
You look like those nerdy geeks.
I don't get these lowest cost insurance commercials?
It's like going to the bar looking for the ugliest woman.
She worked her fingers to my bone.
Female officer~ What's your hurry?
Me~ (winks) Speed-dating?
Officer~ Slow down (gives me a ticket with her number on the back)
Alaska now has more television shows than housewives.
To all the new graduates out there
If it wasn't for black people there wouldn't be new words that white people use to make themselves sound cool.
Twitter should be an escape, not a destination. http://favstar.fm/users/shanethevein/recent
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