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The cab driver says I'm too drunk.
waiting for a cab.
What do you call 8 shots of Jameson?
"Wax on... wax off"
~ Brazilian, probably
I'm glad tweet for meat is over.
I don't think I could do it from San Francisco.
I wish my Chargers were as good as the wifi here at Levi Stadium.
Nice voice text Apple.
We call it voice mail on Android.
Someone might want to look at the aging benefits of marijuana.
Snoop is like the cockroach of rappers.
What if your other is not significant?
Plots don't twist, we boogie.
Of course I'm grateful for sex.
I lost my job as a College Professor because I graded the girls on a curve.
Jingle bells, Batman smells
Green Lantern is gay.
I just met a man with a mullet hitchhiking in the city.
So I drove him out to the country and released him into the wild.
Hey comedians, comedy is an art.
So look at yourself as a starving artist.
I heard that Kim Jong-un wanted to buy Sony but he was a little short.
I may be too sexy to look intelligent,
but I'm intelligent enough to sound sexy.
How do you make the Yuletide gay?
Do you take him to a Broadway show?
Twitter should be an escape, not a destination. http://favstar.fm/users/shanethevein