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How many dates before I tell her I'm married?
I took a day off of Twitter to see if it would make me feel better.
I do feel superior to some of you now.
Remember, before you post that tweet, you can't fix hate with hate.
Who named it Cyber-Bullying instead of Mega-Hurts?
The best part about being tall is all the cleavage.
Sorry, but if you're too young or too stupid I won't follow you back.
I'm not following you back.
Congratulations on being really good at a multiple guess game.
Get it? Cause it's short.
"I wish I was little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good
I would call her"
~ Black History Month
Most of my emails are from BevMo.
Stuck in traffic and I just saw the woman in the car next to me adjust her boobs.
I'd call this day a success.
I want to live in a world where the media takes things a little more seriously and the public doesn't instead of the other way around.
"Taylor doesn't have boobs or a butt because she shook em off"
~ a joke my kid just told me
I can finally take throwing water on someone's face to wake them up off my bucket list.
I hope that bum isn't too upset.
Hey obsessive retweeters, didn't you notice you retweeted that same joke from someone else?
You know a lot of people on here are recovering addicts.
Your tweets about being drunk and high are pretty cruel guys.
Does inspirational tweet about forgiving people then unfollows people who've unfollowed you.
Why does a "W" sound like double U and not double V?
Unrelated, why are most people stupid?
Twitter should be an escape, not a destination. http://favstar.fm/users/shanethe…
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