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I never lie to my children.
I tell them to go ask their mother.
Sex before marriage, here comes the baby carriage.
Marriage before sex, can you say next?
I'm a one woman kind of man.
I don't know how you guys deal with more than one at a time.
I'm "This is my jam" years old.
I'm a neat freak.
It's like a regular freak but I'm cool.
Did you hear about the all blind basketball team?
There's no eye in team.
I don't know why I'm on Twitter.
I'm neither social or media.
"That joke was funnier in my head"
~ me, every day.
Lana Del Rey says she's slept with a lot of men in her industry that unfortunately hasn't helped advance her career
Now you know how I feel
If you write jokes on Twitter then you're clearly here for the funny, not the money.
Mom always said there's someone for everyone.
What she didn't say is that if you're ugly so are they.
Say what you want about people who @ people but they got some balls.
It doesn't matter that I'm married, I'm a Scorpio.
I have a different crush every hour.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Cool, can you do it again?
All your selfies look alike.
Twitter should be an escape, not a destination. http://favstar.fm/users/shanethevein