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I don't know why I thought this was so funny, but I did @marlomeekins @burninlover http://t.co/Awm2zgkU
Is "How do you feel about anal play and pegging?" a good question to ask on a 1st date? #isuspectnot
Mom thinks I should to submit to Sound Exchange contest. Haven't the heart to tell her all my writing is about boners.
Dear asshole on the bridge, sorry I shamed you for verbally abusing your gf/whatever, but that doesn't make me a 'nosy fuckass cunt.'
In the process of editing this I seem to have lost my right leg. WOOPS. http://t.co/TVkWeyF
Reviewing my past tweets, you'd think I was a whiny alcoholic who is addicted to Instagram and sucks at dating. Oh, wait.
I am going to open a trendy bar in #yyc with Joey Cliff and call it "Just Dicks." Everything will be dicks #lifegoals
"His books are good but he liked farts." - @tfunktwits on #JamesJoyce
EVERYTHING IS GREEN, THERE ARE BIRDS AND BARS EVERYWHERE. I LOVE THIS CITY #ALLCAPS #AUS
Con: I have to work #NYE. Pro: it's for @seahags and @karpinkabros and @economicsmusic and I get to do a fucking lights show #rockon
When I add a hot dude on Facebook and he accepts, I immediately stalk my own profile to make sure I seem cool enough #doingitrite
Ain't no party like a @karpinkabros party, cause the party don't stop until everyone has a really fun, respectful, safe time.
Hey I respect you, and this is crazy, but I have a bottle of Malbec, let me take off your pants.
Take yourself out to a museum and your favourite restaurant, turns out to be the best date you've ever been on #truestory
A tolerable idiot.
Stats can't be shown as @sharkpanties has never signed in to Favstar.
