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Right now Romney is frantically looking through his binders for a concession speech but can only find women.
Sext: Dr. Awkward is a palindrome.
DID YOU KNOW: If the papal conclave releases smoke rings then that means they've chosen a cool pope.
This entire musical performance by Catherine Zeta-Jones is just to sell us a T-Mobile phone.
This chick has yet to RSVP to the party in my pants I invited her to. #rude
Could've watched Jackie Robinson's life story in the movie "42" tonight, but instead I chose to rewatch Chris Bosh's in Jurassic Park 3D.
I came up with a cool, new handshake for everyone to try. All you need is a blender, ice & some freshly amputated hands.
The best part of doing a phone interview is not having to wear any pants, but now I regret telling my interviewer that.
It's very dangerous to hitchhike in Chicago. Worst-case scenario is that you'll get picked up by a party trolley of drunk blondes singing.
I don't understand why I'm the only one chanting "DEFENSE!" during the Miss USA competition.
Bing must have paid Wiz Khalifa in massive amounts of weed. #Grammys
Oklahoma: Do you know where Texas is? Well, we're right above it. #NewStateMottos
I've got a date tonight. Not with destiny, but with her fine cousin - apathy.