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Saw Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez at the local supermarket tonight. #StillShaking #MightBeTheDTs
When is Charles Manson gonna put out a Christmas album?
Gaga is promising a huge VMA performance. She's come in an egg, worn a meat dress. Will she come as hash browns?
Joe Lieberman turns 69 today. Lieberman will celebrate at whichever party benefits him the most.
I'm never going to talk to a chair the same way again.
Madame Curie's radiation experiments caused long-term body damage, so there's a very good chance that she blinded someone with science.
By that thinking, the product name could also have been Rolled Golled.
Whorehouse, crack den, check. White supremacist camp, check. My 7-year-old niece is gonna be surprised when she gets her Flat Stanley back.
But more importantly, we're all one degree from actual bacon.
Probably a bad time to try to sell HBO my remake of They Shoot Horses, Don't They?
Will Smith is coordinating a new "Annie" film starring his daughter. Because if anyone understands the hard knock life, it's Willow Smith.
I dropped out of home schooling because of all the bullying.
Not a bad speech, Michelle, for someone who doesn't even own a car elevator.
Lindsay Lohan is going to play Elizabeth Taylor in a new TV movie. I'm assuming from age 50 and up.
Let's face it, Bob Marley was more likely to have been charged with also shooting the deputy than Eric Clapton.
Turns out Cheney suggested to Bush in 2007 that we bomb Syria. Which means that we were this close to Bush bombing Syracuse.
When are the Black Eyed Peas going to start selling T-shirts to raise money for victims of the Black Eyed Peas?
"Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown." - diparagingly to my visiting friend, Jake, when he assumed we were in Little Tokyo.
Fallon/Kimmel/Deon Cole's Black Box. Untrimmed Hedge.