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  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    I hope my midlife crisis doesn't involve a mustache.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    JaySusHChristgrammar_cuntToken_GeezerAvatar_unknown_48
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    I'm 35.

    I'M 35.

    I AM THIRTY FIVE.

    FUUUUUUCK.

    • 9
    • FAVS
    johngayseeEVO3talonderpintineTheGrimKingTruculent67WittySassBasketKizerBillhelmPrintedwerd
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    TheGrimKing
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    I thought my spidey sense was tingling, but it turned out to be herpes.

    • 11
    • FAVS
    HarbingerrjohngayseeEVO3talonTweetingDadGuyderpintineTheGrimKingKizerBillhelmNinja_Soup_
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    TheGrimKing
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Drunk fag hags treat gays like they treat their dogs. Not cool.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    Jenn_x2_johngayseederpintineTheGrimKingKizerBillhelmMYLITTLEDOOMYEVO3talon
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    TheGrimKing
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Children are very impressionable.

    Don't step on them.

    • 16
    • FAVS
    Jenn_x2_johngayseemauvaischienne1madgej2716docmisterioderpintineKizerBillhelmtorrami
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    Jenn_x2_johngayseederpintine
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Do you ever get the feeling that you're being washed?

    -Dishes

    • 7
    • FAVS
    johngayseeTheGrimKingKizerBillhelmmomma0315Jay_FrickinLynnJaySusHChristAvatar_unknown_48
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    TheGrimKingJay_FrickinLynn
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    I would rather paper cut my dick off than go see your kid in the school Christmas play.

    • 19
    • FAVS
    johngayseeTweetingDadGuytstran316docmisterioderpintineTheGrimKingTruculent67itsalexcouture
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    AtteraEternus22Vancity33derpintineTheGrimKingBoobzillazKizerBillhelm
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    *invents hamburger taco pizza cake*

    *has boner forever*

    • 14
    • FAVS
    johngayseedocmisterioderpintineTheGrimKingKizerBillhelmHollieJaydeaudiofreedomCallMeBigPasta
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    johngayseederpintineTheGrimKingrosariohmygerdCallMeBigPastamilehighcreek
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Once I was fired from a job for being sticky.

    • 16
    • FAVS
    TrailofSlimeallisulliJenn_x2_yourcatastrophyHarbingerrjohngayseeExcapeplanTheGrimKing
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    olnikwikHarbingerrTheGrimKing
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Instead of "throwback Thursday", we should call it "See? I used to be young and thin!".

    • 12
    • FAVS
    johngayseeTheGrimKingKizerBillhelmCheetoBandito77quietlybiasedEVO3talonJaySusHChristSilleVio
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    TheGrimKingquietlybiased
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    [Interrogation room]
    "We have ways of making you talk"
    You wouldn't.
    "Won't I?"
    Please, no! Don't!
    *plays Adam Sandler movie*
    OK, I'LL TALK!

    • 8
    • FAVS
    BlairLoudly_dibbuk_johngayseeTheGrimKingKizerBillhelmJaySusHChristWetzelGeekmilehighcreek
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    johngayseeTheGrimKing
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Before $300 smartwatches and fitness trackers, we used something cheaper called "sweating" to let us know if we were getting a good workout.

    • 74
    • FAVS
    theDanLawlerantthotrebleBELLSOFSTEELsmurfsomalleyMoJundiBounse44mattijiiCou7ney
    • 53
    • RETWEETS
    Mike3141592antthotreblesmurfsomalleyRimkeezSpicey_Roseafckinggrownupsteve_condraPecu77
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Hi, is this the Humane Society? Oh good, my coworker has a video on her phone of her dog dressed in a Santa outfit.

    • 9
    • FAVS
    johngayseeTheGrimKingKizerBillhelmJCWisdomNuggetsGhetto_TrophyEVO3talonwhitegerrImilehighcreek
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    TheGrimKingmilehighcreek
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    *picks wedgie*

    *sniffs fingers*

    It's not easy being a sex symbol.

    • 9
    • FAVS
    johngayseeTheGrimKingKizerBillhelmJCWisdomNuggetsEVO3talongrammar_cuntmilehighcreekMYLITTLEDOOMY
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    johngayseeTheGrimKing
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    I respect your opinion.

    Don't get me wrong; It's still moronic, but I respect it.

    • 18
    • FAVS
    TheGrimKingEliezertexEVO3talonKizerBillhelmHannibal_BaggaBoo_berries_DurtMcHurtttorrami
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    TheGrimKingImdizzyderekBrenzy88AphroditeAfter5FredricDelmaisLoveYoorFatesue_hey_lamrtruthandsoul
  • shkeeber
     
    Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Didn't even read the entire tweet, just saw "double anal" and retweeted.

    @foreverhairy

    • 5
    • FAVS
    TheGrimKingHannibal_BaggaForeverHairylycamacho1970normancallme
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    TheGrimKing
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    You wouldn't believe how many times a day I have to stop and check if I'm wearing pants.

    • 43
    • FAVS
    ExcapeplanBlairLoudlyTheGrimKingonume_pauline_mcdPamBousiMaddieVonStarkbklynmike3
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    TheGrimKing_SpookyBat_KeithGHillAdar79AngieMothaKimHannibal_BaggaUnFitzLuvPug
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    One time I faked my own death to get out of taking the trash to the curb.

    • 8
    • FAVS
    Love4BurritosTheGrimKingKizerBillhelmHannibal_BaggaDurtMcHurttLuvPugnPhelendriqalgrammar_cunt
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    TheGrimKing
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    I'd probably read the bible if they changed the title to Jesus: King of the Zombies.

    • 15
    • FAVS
    ExcapeplanSurgicalSmileTheGrimKingKizerBillhelmHannibal_BaggaDurtMcHurttLuvPugMirth_Quake
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    TheGrimKingInsideThisSkin
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    My dreams of living in a pillow fort will come to fruition when I am inevitably locked in a padded cell.

    • 21
    • FAVS
    ExcapeplanTheGrimKingCpin42LolitasSunshineHannibal_BaggaDurtMcHurttLuvPugBIueSunshine
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    TheGrimKingHannibal_BaggavaughnrockyKizerBillhelmJaden76Oliviafoxradioblondecalamityjohngaysee
@shkeeber

@shkeeber

Gay for tacos. Even gayer for dudes who bring me tacos.