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  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Can I drink club soda if I'm not a member?

    • 5
    • FAVS
    OneSmartFellowhighbury1214Mars_Bar_Pauly_MillerSarcasmo718
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    OneSmartFellowSarcasmo718
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    My kindergarten teacher used to put scratch-n-sniff stickers on our classwork. I loved the pickle one. I was literally a 5yo pickle sniffer.

    • 32
    • FAVS
    JaySusHChristdleturnoCityGirlRootsRidiculousSheriCompocolypseGirlnugzptoothfishphranqueigh
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    CityGirlRootsVersaceTrainMichele_Wyatt66rockfinkkaterin_aguilarBarbiturateCatAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    One time I broke a pinata with Juan penis.

    • 14
    • FAVS
    stockejockDurtMcHurttNinja_Soup_BlairLoudlyNakedHangoverhuntigulajohngayseeTheMichaelRock
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    huntigulakevnasto
  • shkeeber
     
    Shkeeber @shkeeber

    I'm aware. I wish you'd stop sending them. I canceled my subscription because I kept having to zoom in and enlarge the photos.
    @johngaysee

    • 4
    • FAVS
    stockejockjohngayseegrammar_cuntHeyRikus
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    One time I got nude and leaked on some pictures I printed from the internet.

    • 19
    • FAVS
    stockejockDurtMcHurttNinja_Soup_JaySusHChristRuADorkLikeMePORNOPINIONallisullistevethegoalie
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    breth6SpaceManSpiff89EVO3talonjohngayseeAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Someone in the office smelled really good this morning, and it was kinda turning me on before I realized I was smelling my new deoderant.

    • 42
    • FAVS
    m_limoneBINGBINGFORTUNEmidnitesocAftynKchengetai1paojpgkatz_ginasofckinprecious
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    m_limoneagurlnamedjen1800lorichengetai1nyar_subaBCharyAineVinOptimaxbabadchin
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    The best thing to put on your resume if you really want the job, is hundred-dollar bills.

    • 25
    • FAVS
    KalvinMacleodstockejockDurtMcHurttRuADorkLikeMeDishy2101ejmichaels1grammar_cuntHannahSymmonds
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    ejmichaels1____scott___HannahSymmondsTheAlexNevilSupafunkadunkaGoIRISH008kratosfrostbitelacrossemom5
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    If vodka ISN'T a major food group, then why is it 93% of my diet?

    • 33
    • FAVS
    n_terry8989stockejockDurtMcHurttDishy2101ejmichaels1HannahSymmondspunkwreckTheAlexNevil
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    ejmichaels1HannahSymmondsTheAlexNevilhealth8lifeGay__MDMyUglyMustacheAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    I may have to stop drinking. I locked my cat in the linen closet for two days because he refused to turn into Professor McGonagall.

    • 27
    • FAVS
    stockejockDurtMcHurttKizerBillhelmCompocolypsesnapperjonssstephhh18DMAC_ORIGINALJaden76
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    astutenewfalyssa_blainadamjestAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • shkeeber
     
    Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Terrible? Elite?

    I just ate a handful of shredded cheese.

    @johngaysee

    • 6
    • FAVS
    snapperjonStcyBnsnACityMouseZOMBEEZ8MYMOMBabetteJonesjohngaysee
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    *opens box of Ritz*
    RELEASE THE CRACKERS!
    *opens box of Cracker Jacks*
    RELEASE THE CRACKER JACKS*
    *drops pants*
    RELEASE THE CRACK!
    *op...

    • 22
    • FAVS
    stockejockTheAlexNevilTampaBayMommaiMikosnycStcyBnsnDurtMcHurttjohngayseeTheMeatSection
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    TheAlexNevilLeaujacquesadamjestSuperTangoAvatar_unknown_48
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    How is Dorito NOT Spanish for door?

    • 241
    • FAVS
    lacey_mae21AmBunyardBeaveocleaveBenjyHimmelKalvinMacleodRealmitzjennieblosser140ron
    • 128
    • RETWEETS
    KalvinMacleodRealmitz_clc1239ParkerlawyerMalloryJaneYoMarlikikiAn___Lesolemnankh
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Brooms are mops with boners.

    • 46
    • FAVS
    SassyChantelleStcyBnsnDurtMcHurttthedailymarkerTheMeatSectionziggy_stardudeEliHansenMusicRandomManik
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    StcyBnsnSharpeBytessarkittenDoquinn76MrNickJCaskburgersTMcgutsurgeekisshowing
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    The best thing about not giving a shit anymore is go fuck yourself, asshole.

    • 47
    • FAVS
    KalvinMacleodElPasofistBeardsleyTacosupernegro167uh_like_iDunnomrtruthandsoulJaySusHChristWeird_Rash
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    mrtruthandsoulgrigsby_larrybsnc64The_TakemagsaidwhatDurtMcHurttWaterLilyDreamsem2the_gee
    XGroverX
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Are you "funny" funny or "favstar" funny?

    • 21
    • FAVS
    StcyBnsnWheezyPsychRNTheMeatSectionjaxxygranthello_saylorRandomManikXGroverXGilmatic
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    TheMeatSectionjaxxygrant420blankmansamvariasBlackCuntFaceSlangG0d
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    I'm gay.

    Why the fuck can I draw Nicki Minaj's ass from memory?

    • 24
    • FAVS
    StcyBnsnTheMeatSectionBlairLoudlyDanKCharnleyMrNickJCGIF_BKJNez6Lord_JoJo
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    johngayseemoseletsaneInfinitelyJeffDarthXavierAvatar_unknown_48
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Diet: di·et; noun. The short period of time one starves themself before binge eating the entire contents of one's refrigerator and pantry.

    • 44
    • FAVS
    amstarbuxgalMakahiloGirlsquirrel74wkgnpearlbasinHecate41KateWhineHallstonecold_teaSanjPats
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    becksbroughtonsepheypoooRachum_27SuzyCatastropheKalvinMacleodAxholetheGreatStcyBnsnAnaMollyR
    Ninja_Soup_
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    I'm surprised more marriages don't happen at gun point.

    • 34
    • FAVS
    nikhimselfTheMeatSectioneTHEgoddess_wangweToken_GeezerclindsayswayTeejayRushDanKCharnley
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    clindsayswaylllvvvzzzSpanishFlightshwebby3JonMashiyaneLegendMGmlccmBlackCuntFace
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    I want to see the eyes bucket challenge.

    • 48
    • FAVS
    squirrel74wkgnStcyBnsnTheMeatSectionDanKCharnleyDurtMcHurttForeverHairyCynner777theDanLawler
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    StcyBnsnJSLauderdaleThatbarberdaveSochi_BatesJessT_icasnobbygirl17lyndsey_hatchMrNickJC
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    You know what, Mr Earp? You're pretty fly for Wyatt guy.

    • 60
    • FAVS
    pradogodMiss_Firefly_BeaveocleaveKalvinMacleodStcyBnsniammaylynnTweets_GoneWildDanKCharnley
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    KalvinMacleodCharlie1GunTheMichaelRockKylaPrickytheshamingofjayMBittersweet25alexfore11aimlessamers
@shkeeber

@shkeeber

You don't know true horror until you've had the realization that the bath toy you were squirting in your mouth as a child was your mother's used douche.