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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    [Personal ad]

    I'm 36 years old. Looking for new friends, not new to the area, I just hate everyone I know. Looking to make new connections.

    • 8
    • LIKES
    ManabikinBYRQCHjohngayseeStormyy3chrisjbuffySquareKnightTenthGenerationgrammar_cuntpunmagnate
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Stormyy3
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    [on a date]

    Brain: OMG I'm dying of boredom.
    Penis: I know, but check out that body!
    Heart: Can we go get some cheese?

    • 7
    • LIKES
    AlibikinFEGSXHTravLeBlancjohngayseelftc86arkcubGulfCoastJakeOneSmartFellow
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    johngayseeGulfCoastJake
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    I'll post a Friends Day video when Facebook makes one of me eating various cheeses alone in bed.

    • 5
    • LIKES
    MetabikinYRXZLUjohngayseeGulfCoastJakeTitansHomerPurple c8e0a6d69ed8cc0c650721fc93f3d000a294117cc943dacee10506ee75d6a49d
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    If you replace the first stage of grief with vodka, you don't need the last four.

    • 9
    • LIKES
    YibikinYDBBRVjohngayseekims404notfoundadambarrett32thesaxnessReal_JMOOBaudri_emJaySusHChrist
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    thesaxnessaudri_em
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    At any given moment there is a 93% chance that I am thinking about nunchucks.

    • 5
    • LIKES
    RayebikinNHYZZQjohngayseethesaxnessJaySusHChristBlarebare
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    thesaxness
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Of course I haven't been avoiding you. I've been avoiding everyone.

    • 6
    • LIKES
    johngayseethesaxnesslftc86GulfCoastJakeGypsyAlliStormyy3
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    johngayseethesaxnessGypsyAlliStormyy3
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Ted Cruz looks like he's always thinking about the donuts in the break room.

    • 3
    • LIKES
    MetabikinYRXZLUjohngayseeCanadaPanda
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Yo mama’s so ugly her mascara runs before the can get it on her face.

    • 2
    • LIKES
    ZolabikinWZIZVQshwebby3
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Two weeks until Valentine's Day and I still haven't picked out any outfits for the cats!

    • 30
    • LIKES
    YibikinYDBBRVRichBeingRichhanoiheroinevie22eiveadambarrett32Real_JMOOBlorigonzalez28kimlockhartga
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    audri_emdondraperrocksT_kbrightpayneblade3zoryah_ItsElsy_correctomundoJohnnyNopolis
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    [First date]
    Him: Is that... a pillow fort?
    Me: Yep. *suggestively winks*
    Him: Um, I have to go now-
    Me: There's Mario Kart!
    Him: 5 minutes.

    • 3
    • LIKES
    JohnnyNopolisKizerBillhelmTenthGeneration
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    My sex life is currently frozen in carbonite.

    • 4
    • LIKES
    audri_emJohnnyNopolisKizerBillhelmMYLITTLEDOOMY
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    I've been single for so long, my spank bank makes Fort Knox look like a piggy bank.

    • 2
    • LIKES
    KizerBillhelmgrammar_cunt
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Accidentally said "I love you" before I hung up with after placing my Chinese takeout order.

    Again.

    • 36
    • LIKES
    ZeroFilterDarzgmatt63WhatThaDelnewstart43adambarrett32jhpjocelynnVarnerism_sanshandle
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    newstart43_sanshandlelorigonzalez28SouthsideMickaudri_emwalrus_r_usmelymarkleskigloinjo
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    I'll always be a child at heart. That's why I still have a savings account, because I like to play make-believe.

    • 15
    • LIKES
    KizerBillhelmAdar79AngieGayDeceiverpippydrydockingLuvPugmariolintonKARKAST_ThatBrenna
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    LuvPugjoanbushurKARKAST_BlairLoudlyEVO3talon
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    My favorite Star Wars movie is Spaceballs.

    • 3
    • LIKES
    Cat_N_Heatlftc86RabidMovieFanz
    • 2
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    rubyrodriguez00FcknMendoza
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Hazard lights, but for my love life.

    • 4
    • LIKES
    adambarrett32Real_JMOOBaudri_emCanadianCyn
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    audri_em
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    I spent a lot of time lately wondering where I've left things that I haven't seen in 20 years.

    • 6
    • LIKES
    BlairLoudlyIbeeryajustKilieallisulli__johngayseeKittenWritten
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    johngaysee
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Life Goals
    5. Candy
    10. Fireman
    15. Rock star
    20. Millionaire
    25. Be on time for work
    30. Lose 10 lbs
    35. Get off the couch without groaning

    • 3
    • LIKES
    BlairLoudlyallisulli__johngaysee
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    johngaysee
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    It took a while, but I've finally managed added everything on Netflix to my list without watching a single thing.

    • 9
    • LIKES
    audri_emjohngayseeKizerBillhelmLuvPugKARKAST_BlairLoudlyjustKilieJenMyDear
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    joanbushurBlairLoudly
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    At what point does being emo turn into actual clinical depression?

    Is it 36? It is, isn't it?

    *wipes off eye liner*

    • 6
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    • 1
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    Stormyy3

Shkeeber’s Newest Tweets

@shkeeber

@shkeeber

I like romantic dinners, walks on the beach, and acid wash mom jeans.

Gift 128x128 eed6a6fa05c032b3463123779fd30e334924cb30b476ccedc6e6f7bdfdc37b10

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