Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Fine! You win again, alcoholism.
BREAKING NEWS: Zayn Malik has left One Direction to pursue a career in heterosexuality.
Geez! Everybody calm down. I mean, it's not like Jordan Knight left NKOTB.
Priorities, people. Priorities. Get your shit together.
Someone could cure cancer today and we wouldn't know about it for at least a month because Zayn Malik quit One Direction.
The movie trailer of my life would be two and a half minutes of me looking at everyone with a look of exasperation.
If everything she owns has butterflies on it. RUN.
Accidentally called my co-workers breakfast burrito sexy...
I have a better chance of sprouting wings and flying to Australian by lunch time than ever being able to successfully do a single pull-up.
Instead of "bye Felicia", Mexican gays say "bye fajita".
GIANT OILED UP BOUNCY BOOBS!
Great, now that I have your attention, could one of you help me find my keys?
Me: This week has been dragging
Co-worker: It's only Monday.
Coworker: And we haven't even punched in yet.
Me: What's your point?
New body, who dis?
-Demon possessed person
Will Ferrell and Adam Sandler in a fight to the death.
The winner gets shot into space, never to return.
Everything I know about sex, I learned from HBO. That's why I'm only comfortable having drunk sex in the back of a cab in Manhattan at 4am.
The zoo basically had two modes:
1. Boring sleeping animals.
2. Hardcore porn.
And now for my next trick!
*eats a single Lay's potato chip*
Less than a month until the tweetup and I still haven't finished my skin suit!
Every time you masturbate in the shower, you're basically drowning children in your bathtub.
I'll hold grudges and tacos, but not babies.
Like @shkeeber’s tweets? Send them a Favstar Pro Membership to show you care.Gift them Pro!