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  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Remember when I used to tweet?

    • 4
    • LIKES
    johngayseeKizerBillhelmJaySusHChristTheGrimKing
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    TheGrimKing
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    A gym is a place where one can pay a monthly fee to ineptly dangle off various machines while being judged by strangers.

    • 7
    • LIKES
    20eyeDocsAdar79AngiejohngayseeKizerBillhelmMichiganManuelTheGrimKinggrammar_cunt
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    johngayseeTheGrimKing
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    I'd pay good money to listen to James Earl Jones and Morgan Freeman having phone sex.

    • 11
    • LIKES
    lafleenMiss_Firefly_DoneEffedUpjohngayseeKizerBillhelmMichiganManuelTheGrimKingphonesexop
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    AristocratsFilmMiss_Firefly_johngayseeKizerBillhelmMichiganManuelTheGrimKingiambobbywimothyjoseph
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    *goes to the emergency room holding my own severed a arm*

    *has to wait for twenty minutes behind a lady buying lotto tickets*

    • 11
    • LIKES
    20eyeDocsAnothrGayJustinjohngayseeKizerBillhelmMichiganManuelTheGrimKingxosmGeorgeSpeilbach__
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    AnothrGayJustinjohngayseeTheGrimKinglynnet_martinFruit_Slinger
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Valentines day is THIS Sunday? I didn't even know... That reminds me, I need to buy cat food.

    • 10
    • LIKES
    johngayseeTheGrimKingxosmAdar79AngieDurtMcHurttlftc86TenthGenerationJaySusHChrist
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    TrickleVaryTea
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    [Personal ad]

    I'm 36 years old. Looking for new friends, not new to the area, I just hate everyone I know. Looking to make new connections.

    • 16
    • LIKES
    em_claudettjayrod1283KizerBillhelmMichiganManuelTheGrimKingxosmAdar79AngieDurtMcHurtt
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    johngayseeJelloPuddTheGrimKingOneSmartFellowStormyy3
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    [on a date]

    Brain: OMG I'm dying of boredom.
    Penis: I know, but check out that body!
    Heart: Can we go get some cheese?

    • 13
    • LIKES
    KizerBillhelmMichiganManuelTheGrimKingxosmAdar79AngieDurtMcHurttAlibikinFEGSXHTravLeBlanc
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    JamilaHanaganMichiganManuelTheGrimKingjohngayseeGulfCoastJake
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    I'll post a Friends Day video when Facebook makes one of me eating various cheeses alone in bed.

    • 8
    • LIKES
    MichiganManuelTheGrimKingAdar79AngieDurtMcHurttMetabikinYRXZLUjohngayseeGulfCoastJakeTitansHomer
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    johngayseeMichiganManuelTheGrimKing
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    If you replace the first stage of grief with vodka, you don't need the last four.

    • 16
    • LIKES
    MichiganManuellorigonzalez28JelloPuddTheGrimKingxosmAdar79AngieDurtMcHurttYibikinYDBBRV
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    artbyjohn_jgjohngayseeTheGrimKingthesaxnessaudri_em
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    At any given moment there is a 93% chance that I am thinking about nunchucks.

    • 21
    • LIKES
    TheGrimKingBlairLoudlyRealPrincessKimtrappedsoul7thelawmomandrewgutinbecabirdLuvPug
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    TheGrimKingandrewgutinLuvPugkDuncanGAdar79Angiethesaxness
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Of course I haven't been avoiding you. I've been avoiding everyone.

    • 10
    • LIKES
    TheGrimKingAdar79AngieDurtMcHurttEVO3talonjohngayseethesaxnesslftc86GulfCoastJake
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    udaysahadevanJelloPuddTheGrimKingFresh_Coffey__EVO3talonjohngayseethesaxnessGypsyAlli
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Ted Cruz looks like he's always thinking about the donuts in the break room.

    • 5
    • LIKES
    TheGrimKingAdar79AngieMetabikinYRXZLUjohngayseeCanadaPanda
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Yo mama’s so ugly her mascara runs before the can get it on her face.

    • 4
    • LIKES
    johngayseeTheGrimKingZolabikinWZIZVQshwebby3
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Two weeks until Valentine's Day and I still haven't picked out any outfits for the cats!

    • 35
    • LIKES
    johngayseeTheGrimKingCanadaPandaPiecezillaGaspingJoggerSpaziotwatYibikinYDBBRVRichBeingRich
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    Spaziotwataudri_emdondraperrocksT_kbrightpayneblade3zoryah_ItsElsy_correctomundo
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    [First date]
    Him: Is that... a pillow fort?
    Me: Yep. *suggestively winks*
    Him: Um, I have to go now-
    Me: There's Mario Kart!
    Him: 5 minutes.

    • 6
    • LIKES
    johngayseeTheGrimKingEVO3talonJohnnyNopolisKizerBillhelmTenthGeneration
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    johngayseeEVO3talon
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    My sex life is currently frozen in carbonite.

    • 6
    • LIKES
    johngayseeTheGrimKingaudri_emJohnnyNopolisKizerBillhelmMYLITTLEDOOMY__
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    I've been single for so long, my spank bank makes Fort Knox look like a piggy bank.

    • 4
    • LIKES
    johngayseeTheGrimKingKizerBillhelmgrammar_cunt
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    Accidentally said "I love you" before I hung up with after placing my Chinese takeout order.

    Again.

    • 49
    • LIKES
    Soul_JamesA_gligsJelloPuddTheGrimKingKeroNotorioOneSmartFellowMark72475014semple42
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    20eyeDocsJelloPuddTheGrimKingbondgirl_79Adar79Angienewstart43_sanshandlelorigonzalez28
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    I'll always be a child at heart. That's why I still have a savings account, because I like to play make-believe.

    • 16
    • LIKES
    TheGrimKingKizerBillhelmAdar79AngieGayDeceiverpippydrydockingLuvPugmariolintonKARKAST_
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    LuvPugjoanbushurKARKAST_BlairLoudlyEVO3talon
  • shkeeber
      Shkeeber @shkeeber

    My favorite Star Wars movie is Spaceballs.

    • 6
    • LIKES
    johngayseeTheGrimKingOneSmartFellowCat_N_Heatlftc86RabidMovieFanz
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    rubyrodriguez00FcknMendoza

Shkeeber’s Newest Tweets

@shkeeber

@shkeeber

I like romantic dinners, walks on the beach, and acid wash mom jeans.

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