What do you mean he said no? Have you tried giving him a blowjob?

Big shout out to people who still read books.

Twitter, where minds go to fuck.

Now that I'm all grown up with a family of my own.
I know why my mom was such a raging bitch all the time.

Why is it always the weird fat friends that let you know they're down for group sex?

You're really uptight for someone who smokes that much weed.

I'm making a twitter quilt and I need one pair of underwear from everyone.

Let me just get stoned first. Then we can do whatever you want.

I am woman. Watch me clean up after everyone.

Seriously kids keep your head up! You will be amazed ten years from now how many of the popular bullies end up in jail or mental facilities!

What day is "buy me flowers and eat my pussy day?"

I don't know why people always lie to children for entertainment. There is nothing funnier then explaining what a rectum is to a 5 yr old.

I got nothing, I was thinking about fucking all day.

If he says no, just push him up against the wall and kiss him untill he loses the ability for cognitive thought. Works everytime.

Thanks Cialis! I've always wanted to explain to a 7 year old what a 4 hour erection is. Fuck.

Just assume I always want to fuck.

Today if you hand me a cigar I'll stick it in my glory hole for you. In honor of President's Day, of course.

Someone is pissed at me right now.

I know this, because I'm an asshole.

I have a faux hawk in my pants.

Cats are just house squirrels.