We need good old fashioned street gangs again - complete with the whole snapping and singing thing

Lost 10 lbs in 2 months; wonder what it's doing now

My new Mexican Wrestler name is: Passivo Aggressivo with little sidekick, Guilt Trip

I've worked the numbers, and ..uh...by my calculations, ...I'm not that great at Math

Too many little girls named Zoe these days and not very many of them can pull it off

When I meet someone new I like to try and guess when they last masturbated.

If you have no chin, please note that, if we speak, I will be staring at the place that a chin should be.

There should be a "Take The Wrong Medicine" day ~ just sayin

Never say nev...
Fuck.

Knock Knock.
Use the damn bell.

I would have nailed the part of Gladys Kravitz

One two, buckle my boots, three four I hate rhyming

i haven't gotten my money's worth on public transportation until someone starts singing show tunes in my face

Realizing lately that all my anger issues come from using public bathrooms

I'm not single, I'm just partner-deficient

if you can't take something lying down, you're doing it wrong

Don't talk to yourself.
I can do whatever I want.
No you can't.
I win.

playing out in my head what my secret crush would say to me, to declare his undying love. for me. without using the words "don't touch me".

At the laundromat & someone else is using my regular machine, very sad about this as I look longingly at the other clothes having fun inside

Only now starting to process the blocked memory of my mother entering me into a spaghetti-eating contest when I was 8 y/o. #yougonnaeatthat?