My headache has turned into me hating everyone that speaks.

@byebigfraidycat Oooo... Yes. I like splashy.

@byebigfraidycat it's going to be super fun!

My timeline is so full of retweets, i'm not even sure who i follow anymore, and i think they may be the wrong people.

I done something really embarrassing during sex, but I was naked, so..

Drunk naked tub tweeting. It's a thang.

When you only have a thin line of whiskers under your bottom lip, it's no longer called a soul patch. It's called, forever alone.

Can't decide if I want to smell like, everlasting sunshine or milk and honey.

Life is hard.

The day I finally get to say, "hey, my eyes are up here" is the day I have a double header zit on my chin.

Does knowing you're dumb make you smart? I'm too dumb to know.

Uggs with shorts, because I enjoy the haters.

It's like you don't even know me.. Oh wait..

I don't even know how to play Foursquare.

I am so sick of people, i can barely stand myself.

I had seen the previews so many times I thought I had already seen the movie.

I always have to have the last emoticon.

I car dance like nobody's business.

Batteries are an important part of life. Of a girls life. Of this girls life.

If I had kids, I would be annoying.

Your phone knows you're old when it changes the word what? to, eh?

My phone is an asshole.