One day we'll open Twitter & it'll just say:

Thanks for playing! Hope you enjoyed this social experiment. Now apologise to your loved ones.

Licking something to discourage others from stealing it may be how oral sex was invented.

I don't care what you think you saw, if I deleted it, that shit never happened.

~ Twitter Law.

I've done a few things I've been ashamed of, but at least I never played FarmVille.

I can't wait for integrity to be cool again.

Never fuck the same mistake twice.

Telling a depressed person to cheer up is, quite frankly, like telling an amputee to grow an arm.

If it was that easy, they'd have done it.

Things I now know:

Weirdness is endemic.
Laughter is addictive.
Everybody needs someone.
We all have issues.
Love might hurt.
Keep smiling.

Twitter: Loners, moaners, stoners and boners.

What's that, Lassie? There's a whole population trapped in a social network?

If you retweet someone the exact same time they retweet you, you get pregnant.

Everybody knows that.

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a DM.

Retweeting is saying: I couldn't have said it better myself. Well, maybe I could. But you said it first.

How one woman describes another tells you everything you need to know about the first woman's insecurities.

Sometimes a woman just wants a man to say, 'Shhh,' and then fuck that bad mood out of her.

If only you could Google how someone felt about you.

I read 3 books a week before finding Twitter. I kind of hate you.

I think the term 'unexpected guest' is an oxymoron. I prefer to call them intruders.

If it looks like a whore; tweets like a whore and DMs like a whore?

It's a man.

The tweets become a voice.
The voice becomes a person.
The person becomes a friend.