@showedyoumine's (Maria ) most faved Tweets...
Another day wasted doing homework and projects with my kids. Monday I'm sending my kids laundry to school for the teachers to do.
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Using birth control can cause stroke, vein thrombosis or liver damage. Not using birth control can cause children. Sounds like a no brainer.
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If you don't get my jokes, you are reading them wrong. I'm always funny, you lack the correct comedic inflection or timing while reading.
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Is going to remain naked until her Jehovah Witness stalkers stop by. It's time they understand what "in all God's glory" really means.
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#itshouldbeillegal for people to set their watches 15 mins. ahead so when I glance at their watch I don't crap myself thinking I'm late.
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It's true what they say about sleep deprivation. I'm not complaining or anything, some people pay a lot of money for these hallucinations.
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Friend: "Back in school huh? Are you having a midlife crisis and trying to find yourself?" Me: "No. I'm trying to find new friends."
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I'm sure worse things have happened to better people. Time to plan for the future. Top of the list: black shawl and a couple of cats.
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This just in: Kanye West interrupted a Tiger Wood interview to state that Beyonce had way better affairs.
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My computer battery is at such a critical state, not only will my data be lost but my family name will be removed from Ellis Island records.
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Another Sunday night, which is just a lead into Monday morning. Don't go acting all innocent. I know what you are up to.
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Would like to thank you for all of your help yesterday and I would really appreciate it if you would never help me again.
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Fate, you have toyed with me for the last time and you owe me big time. You're buying, I'm drinking.
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