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Another day wasted doing homework and projects with my kids. Monday I'm sending my kids laundry to school for the teachers to do.
Using birth control can cause stroke, vein thrombosis or liver damage. Not using birth control can cause children. Sounds like a no brainer.
Why don't you try not talking unless you can improve the silence, which I doubt.
If you don't get my jokes, you are reading them wrong. I'm always funny, you lack the correct comedic inflection or timing while reading.
Is going to remain naked until her Jehovah Witness stalkers stop by. It's time they understand what "in all God's glory" really means.
#itshouldbeillegal for people to set their watches 15 mins. ahead so when I glance at their watch I don't crap myself thinking I'm late.
is still recovering from yesterday ... and tomorrow, just to get it out of the way
It's true what they say about sleep deprivation. I'm not complaining or anything, some people pay a lot of money for these hallucinations.
Friend: "Back in school huh? Are you having a midlife crisis and trying to find yourself?" Me: "No. I'm trying to find new friends."
I'm sure worse things have happened to better people. Time to plan for the future. Top of the list: black shawl and a couple of cats.
This just in: Kanye West interrupted a Tiger Wood interview to state that Beyonce had way better affairs.
My computer battery is at such a critical state, not only will my data be lost but my family name will be removed from Ellis Island records.
#omgfacts Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliaphobia is the fear of long words.
Another Sunday night, which is just a lead into Monday morning. Don't go acting all innocent. I know what you are up to.
If it weren't for physics and the police, I would be unstoppable.
#itshouldbeillegal to be redirected to India for assistance on a product purchased in the U.S.
Would like to thank you for all of your help yesterday and I would really appreciate it if you would never help me again.
Fate, you have toyed with me for the last time and you owe me big time. You're buying, I'm drinking.
Yes, the sun does rise in the East and I am all that plus a bag of chips.
I am hardcore and Freesia. Strange combination, but it works for me.