Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Local church sign: "Even Jesus Has A Fish Story". Based on most fish stories I've heard I think that implies that Jesus was liar...
If your wondering why your life sux it's bcuz you didn't forward that chain letter in 1987.
My new serenity prayer goes like this:
Give me coffee to change the things I can & wine to accept the things I can't.
Have you ever walked into a room and forgot why you were there? Yeah... that's how I lost my job as a firefighter.
Until I was 13 I thought my name was 'Shut Up'.
You can drink at 7am because The Beasty Boys fought for that kinda thing.
What do people mean when they say 'the computer went down on me'?
To all my friends...
We've been though a lot together.
...And most of it was your fault.
At least that's my story.
The older you get, the better you get, unless you're a banana.
Madness takes its toll. Please use exact change.
I didn't sleep well so this morning I made coffee with redbull instead of water. I got halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.
"Time is like a drug. Too much of it kills you."
When ur dead, u don't know ur dead. It's only difficult for others. It's the same when ur stupid.
When Miley is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" & "music" but when I do it, I'm "wasted" & "have to leave home depot".
My jokes are like hot chicks. Hard to get, and when u do they're nowhere near as good as u thought they'd be
I used to think I just wasn't a morning person, but things never got better after lunch.
My degree of sarcasm depends on your degree of stupidity.
This is where I tell u all the reasons u should follow me..... um... yeah... I got nothin.