I'm surprised so many people still live in Gotham after all the catastrophes, murders, supervillains, and explosions. The pizza is good tho!

"Why do we fall, Bruce? So we can learn how to pick ourselves up." A quote from my dad who was stabbed, fell and never got the fuck back up.

Alfred can make ANY sentence sound delightful. Today he shit his pants and said, "Master Wayne, I do believe I've crudded in me britches."

YOLO! Except for Catwoman, she has nine sexy lives.

Knives and bullets cannot penetrate my batsuit. However, rude remarks can :(

I really like that Black Widow chick from the Avengers but I think she might be out of my Justice League :/

You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the Alfred.

The Dark Knight Rises DVD is now in stores and there is an alternate ending where I ask a girl to prom and she doesn't hear me!

Wonderwoman's vag smells like Aquaman.

RT if you want an invite to my Bat Mitzvah.

I am a superhero and my superpower is that I’m afraid to approach women.

I hate when there's bird poo on the Batmobile. I'm looking at you, Penguin.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt makes me feel batcurious.

Bane said he wanted to blow up the Olympic stadiums but I told him, "Please don't. I will buy you a hot fudge sundae instead." It worked.

Commissioner Gordon is so old he has to shine a light in the sky to get my attention because he doesn't understand texting.

Robin said, "Captain America? More like Miss America!!" We laughed, high-fived, then I thought about Captain America in a bikini for awhile.

LONG day of politely asking criminals to behave, Gonna take a bath and put on my Dark Knightgown.

I love Morgan Freeman for being in my movie but I'm still mad at him for narrating the one about my archenemy called "March of The Penguin".

Superman has been shoplifting a lot lately. He truly is the Man of Steal.

A silent guardian, a watchful protector, afraid to take risks in bed.