Attention tomato soup; go fuck yourself and stop trying to convince me you're anything other than failed pasta sauce

pic.twitter.com/seMsGazg64

If you don't like toy story you are a communist and should stop following me.

Parenting=AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!

"@laurafoundtw: Whilst you're all tweeting #thingsmorepopularthanthewanted
Just remember pic.twitter.com/d9oJ7L19QU" I'm not a fan but right on

#ff birthday edition; the one and only @gagitamonster

@huffingtonpost to paraphrase @joerogan that means newt is either stupid or secretly afraid that dicks are delicious

67º, 75º, 81º...42º anyone else wondering if instead of spring this is actually an elaborate episode of punk'd?

@skullcat I was a comic for about 2 1/2 months...which means the only thing I'm better at than telling jokes is being lazy

What's better than watching a movie? Seeing the back of your kids head as they laugh watching said movie...

At some point there will be a gun in my hands...and for the record, it will be for your benefit

Goddamn celebrities are dropping like flies this year...R.I.P. Donna Summer

@melissa5001 no, #ronpaul is a voice of reason...not a fad

The day before thanksgiving is a bad travel day and a big pizza day...and both of these things count as news somehow...riiiiiiiight

You know how I know I'm gay? I listen to coldplay #yeahisaidit #dosomthin

@homeskooledkid anywhere with a cul de sac #badvillainlairs

My level of don't give a fuck is currently at "refuse to scroll down and see what posts I missed overnight" watch out everybody

@ragemichelle you don't mean twitter obviously because we appreciate the shit out of you

Listen up, I know you maniacs have at least as much to say as me, get on the ground floor with @savagecast and put it out there!

@karenak @ragemichelle Kentucky at least