Popular Recent Faved By Given
Friends: 88
Followers: 109
Favs Given: 763
Favs Rec'd: 389
@simplysarah8's (Sarah J) most faved Tweets...
simplysarah8
Life would be so much more convenient if, in addition to their condom, men would carry a tampon.
@simplysarah8
simplysarah8
The order of things makes a huge difference.

Kiss --> Slap: He did something wrong.

Slap --> Kiss: He's kinda kinky.

or is it spank?
@simplysarah8
simplysarah8
If you look at someone and think they'd be horribly offended at your crude joke, chances are they would laugh more than anyone else. Try it.
@simplysarah8
15
lafixmrdtweetMrBigFistsbitterpussStereoForBrainstimbalancedDeconileBillMc7Stacy_TurnerstrandellSammyLikesYouUmair_MahmoodDoanDoDatTeleholicGirlpiercedbrat
simplysarah8
I am NOT a Twitter whore! That would imply some sort of compensation for my-- oh, right. The stars. Nevermind then.
@simplysarah8
12
MrBigFistsdmcmillan123456StereoForBrainstimbalancedJorgasmic1iamnotdiddySammyLikesYouUmair_MahmoodDoanDoDatpiercedbratSplashOfKinkyDeconile
simplysarah8
I've decided that cold weather is not my preferred method of getting my nipples hard.
@simplysarah8
12
FunnyLvnGirldesirousgoddessbitterpussStereoForBrainstimbalancedSammyLikesYouUmair_MahmoodDoanDoDatpiercedbratwhyrywhySplashOfKinkyDeconile
simplysarah8
Fuck this. I want the old year back.

Who's in charge of returns?
@simplysarah8
11
dmcmillan123456Trick_or_tweetblondediva11Stacy_TurnerverymrsgagewinnmoegreebEsseErretwistedpfisterUmair_MahmoodDoanDoDatpiercedbrat
simplysarah8
"You're in? Oh, I barely even felt you enter!"

Apparently that is only a good thing to say to a guy if he's a male nurse and giving shots.
@simplysarah8
11
simplysarah8Jorgasmic1timbalancedEsseErreJohn_M15SammyLikesYouUmair_MahmoodDoanDoDatpiercedbratDeconileA_N_G_E_L_I_N_E
simplysarah8
Whoever said procrastination is like masturbation obviously wasn't very good at the latter. Granted, both can bring me to a scream...
@simplysarah8
11
mrdtweetdesirousgoddessbitterpussMrBigFistsStereoForBrainsJorgasmic1Umair_MahmoodDoanDoDatpiercedbratwhyrywhyDeconile
simplysarah8
To epileptics: Don't go where your seizure wouldn't be obvious.

So get off that dance floor! I don't want to have to catch you there again.
@simplysarah8
9
mrdtweetMrBigFistsChatEnPochebitterpussStereoForBrainsUmair_MahmoodDoanDoDatpiercedbratDeconile
simplysarah8
Me: Sweetie, did you get a chance to wash the tub?
Him: No, why? It's not slippery yet.

It doesn't get any better after marriage, does it?
@simplysarah8
9
blondediva11mrdtweetMrBigFistsbitterpussStereoForBrainsUmair_MahmoodDoanDoDatpiercedbratDeconile
simplysarah8
Headaches are a pain in the ass. Oh, the irony.
@simplysarah8
7
strandellDeconilefoxyfox_SmmythesemperjeffRzouA_N_G_E_L_I_N_E
simplysarah8
My Santa tweets are late. What do you expect? It takes longer for older men to come.
@simplysarah8
7
WadetoBlacktwistedpfisterstrandellJohn_M15Umair_MahmoodDoanDoDatpiercedbrat
simplysarah8
The powers that be are saying that it is a forced upgrade from 2009 to 2010. And I was planning on skipping out on this version.
@simplysarah8
7
lafixJorgasmic1CapsaholictimbalancedUmair_MahmoodDoanDoDatpiercedbrat
simplysarah8
I slapped Santa. Do you blame me? When I sat on his lap, he yelled out, "Ho!"
@simplysarah8
7
mrdtweetblondediva11twistedpfisterJorgasmic1Umair_MahmoodDoanDoDatpiercedbrat
simplysarah8
Twitter -- where telling someone you're a 5-star act is just not that impressive. #favstar
@simplysarah8
7
MrBigFistsblondediva11dmcmillan123456StereoForBrainsJorgasmic1Umair_MahmoodDoanDoDat
simplysarah8
Dear Laundry,

You're getting lucky tonight ;) I'm finally gonna do you.

P.S.
Bring wine.
@simplysarah8
7
blondediva11StereoForBrainsJorgasmic1Umair_MahmoodDoanDoDatpiercedbratA_N_G_E_L_I_N_E
simplysarah8
If plucking errant nose hairs was an American pastime, strolling through Walmart might be a little less traumatic.
@simplysarah8
6
DeconileaftamidniteJezebelTheGreatMiss_IceQueenjascollinsurbanprojectz
simplysarah8
I love waking up next to that special someone, but at least a body pillow doesn't try to wake you up by poking you in the back.
@simplysarah8
5
WadetoBlackpiercedbratDeconileFunnyLvnGirlwhyrywhy
simplysarah8
I fluently read, write, and speak Bitch. I just prefer English.
@simplysarah8
5
DeconilestrandellpiercedbratSnuggieBunnyRzou
simplysarah8
Fact 1: The penis has no bone.
Fact 2: The penis can get a fracture.

Conclusion: The penis is a wonderful, magical thing.
@simplysarah8
5
Jorgasmic1WadetoBlackJohn_M15FunnyLvnGirlpiercedbrat
Tip: To have your favorites shown faster, follow @favstar