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I simply cannot relate to anyone who doesn’t change into pajamas the minute they get home.
Challenge yourself not to write "lol!" after every tweet.
This guy wrote "for all intensive purposes" on his OKCupid profile. But he looks exactly like Ryan Reynolds. Another round of vag vs. brain.
I flirted SO HARD today. Got on a treadmill right next to a cute guy at the gym and didn't look at him the entire time!
Waiting for a guy to text you back is almost more painful than waiting that long 5 seconds to skip the ad on YouTube.
If I don't respond right away it means I'm busy. If you don't respond right away it means you're a dick.
They don't tell you in sex ed that intercourse can lead to mid-grade neurosis & voices in your head chanting, "Why hasn't he called?"
Facebook is for people who want to brag about how rad their life is. Twitter is for people who want to bitch about how shitty their life is.
What happens after a date: come home, change into comfy undies, put on sweats, cuddle with cat, eat a bunch of shit, fart.
Sometimes I date & write about it but I prefer sweatpants and my cat.
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