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  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    McDonalds sweet & sour sauce is just the blood of the obese diabetic children who got stuck in the play place.

    • 1,115
    • FAVS
    LynnRaysk8ieokaykevindividualMalcInYourWifeMythicalCrystalMrNoAnswersTheCattyLady662x3
    • 658
    • RETWEETS
    michaelpathMalcInYourWifeMythicalCrystalTheCattyLadyNDweebieOkieGirl405MondayPajamasOfficeofSteve
    Redright_88OfficeofSteveJustMugPostedandBeamedupsheezy__________XalqeeConcernedSirGuyGrashof_RockerSTOTLE
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.

    • 1,016
    • FAVS
    clean_not_sobermichaelpathkevindividualMalcInYourWifeMythicalCrystalTheCattyLadyIndyblackJK77brotherkristoph
    • 555
    • RETWEETS
    JennyPeechesMalcInYourWifeMythicalCrystalTheCattyLadyOkieGirl405MondayPajamasOfficeofSteveAlejandraortig
    lakeanagirlABurgerADayArroiaabrosenthalgiantsshirt______
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Congratulate you on losing weight? Maybe when you throw me a parade for never being obese in the first place.

    • 865
    • FAVS
    michaelpathkevindividualkaydahliaMalcInYourWifeTheCattyLadyPee_And_GigglesMondayPajamashbreaker9999
    • 315
    • RETWEETS
    MalcInYourWifeTheCattyLadyOkieGirl405MondayPajamasOfficeofStevepseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenPoiznSongbird
    _Shizzle__________Frankie_Valnoogrufus_lipschitz
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    My ex wanted me to pour this sugar in his gas tank. He didn't say it like that. The actual text said "fuck you whore" but I got the message.

    • 717
    • FAVS
    dreamthievinbrookvissertmmagsstephnicole22njlitigatortri_brittany_freeunicornsjuliepie76
    • 407
    • RETWEETS
    gypsy_feet53bees_wingzRusty_SwillTayJeff5Shawnac1031mikem3672RhinoURDadandBuried
    DaddyJewdeathtoscumbagsJustMugPazerLenis
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    At first I was like "Why isn't my iPad taking pictures?!" but then I was all "Oh this is a cookie sheet." Honest mistake.

    • 788
    • FAVS
    k8ieokaymichaelpathWhoopdeedoo22JlofarsaysMalcInYourWifeTheCattyLadyMsMurfieTheTalkingPipe
    • 330
    • RETWEETS
    michaelpathMalcInYourWifeTheCattyLadyOkieGirl405OfficeofSteveTheTalkingPipehbreaker9999pseudo_fred
    JosesLovesYouSmithWitConcernedSirGuyYesThatAmyBlairLoudlyDallyDoll
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Mom asked what I was laughing at. I said Twitter. She asked how to find my page. This is the same face I had on 9/11.

    • 836
    • FAVS
    michaelpathTheCattyLadyAnonymousInZAImsohoppypseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenPoiznSongbirdPAT_E_ROCK
    • 238
    • RETWEETS
    MalcInYourWifeTheCattyLadyImsohoppypseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenPoiznSongbirdPAT_E_ROCKFrankCurtisB
    DionneMcNuttSoFuckingMature__ilgrandechuckSarcasmo718
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    You know what's sexy? Not being a fucking asshole.

    • 668
    • FAVS
    dreamthievinkevindividualTheCattyLadyPee_And_Gigglespseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenPoiznSongbirdtweeterjak
    • 290
    • RETWEETS
    MalcInYourWifeTheCattyLadyjimmyfnjonesPee_And_Gigglespseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenPoiznSongbirdAHouse21
    curlymalloy
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    My vagina is so stubbly it looks like its been up all night solving crime.

    • 589
    • FAVS
    grizzliedhammockreviewshwendalVodkaShorebirdjkramblesfunnyasfartsHubertsTaradizzyidjit
    • 254
    • RETWEETS
    shwendalBirareSumitnv7281muscleophagusHubertsTaraDorkv76iGreenMonkdreamthievin
    Lisabug74JoshuaHvr
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Yeah, keep pissing me off like I haven't been training to clean up a bloody murder scene since my first period...

    • 563
    • FAVS
    KarlTheFagtearsandflowersFueledByGuacfunnyasfartsdizzyidjitCwmDumpstersomethingpsychItsAnnieHunny
    • 262
    • RETWEETS
    tearsandflowerssomethingpsychBored_NationItsAnnieHunnyiGreenMonkdreamthievinMalcInYourWifeTheCattyLady
    SpankMeIm0tyDallyDollmisstarafied
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    I really live for those first five minutes of a relationship, before the hate sets in.

    • 590
    • FAVS
    dreamthievinclean_not_sobermichaelpathPoiznSongbirdWhoopdeedoo22MalcInYourWifeMythicalCrystalTheCattyLady
    • 208
    • RETWEETS
    PoiznSongbirdMalcInYourWifeMythicalCrystalTheCattyLadyTheTalkingPipeImsohoppypseudo_fredAJ_VanFossen
    Petey__E__________
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Do you ever get your period and think, well that explains those 30 arguments I started this morning?

    • 469
    • FAVS
    dreamthievinmichaelpathAnnMitchellMcDFrustrateMyLovesneezy20340967heartlessliejjgraperina_maReena
    • 275
    • RETWEETS
    IIArmstrongAnnMitchellMcDsneezy20340967heartlessliejjgraperina_maReenasanityinabottleJay_FrickinLynn
    another_lisa
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    If there's a more important decision than picking a towel you won't mind turning into a murder scene for period sex someone please tell me.

    • 500
    • FAVS
    dreamthievinmichaelpathkaydahliaMalcInYourWifeTheCattyLadypseudo_fredAJ_VanFossensharkies3
    • 102
    • RETWEETS
    MalcInYourWifeTheCattyLadypseudo_fredAJ_VanFossensharkies3TlaxBoy05VanVeenBWiseFada
    Mr_0rang3DanKCharnleyFrankCurtisB
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Relationships, because how else will you know how you're failing as a person?

    • 423
    • FAVS
    dreamthievinPoiznSongbirdMalcInYourWifeTheCattyLadypseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenHeyZeus666FoolSpeak
    • 175
    • RETWEETS
    PoiznSongbirdMalcInYourWifeTheCattyLadypseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenlisa_wegnerGutiIslandAndee_Stewart
    rossbransondgphotos__________twayne1010
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Why couldn't I have been the hot, tan, Mila Kunis kind of Russian instead of the pale, blocky, 'help me move these trees' kind of Russian?!

    • 459
    • FAVS
    kevindividualPoiznSongbirdMalcInYourWifeIzianikapaniTheCattyLadypseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenLorieGZ
    • 123
    • RETWEETS
    kevindividualPoiznSongbirdMalcInYourWifeTheCattyLadypseudo_fredAJ_VanFossensharkies3TlaxBoy05
    adamrunsfar
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    I can't be the only woman who gets creeped out when she realizes her ovaries sniff out and sync up with other ovaries without her permission

    • 454
    • FAVS
    KarlTheFagnicknillahammockreviewfunnyasfartsdreamthievinWhoopdeedoo22MalcInYourWifeTheCattyLady
    • 109
    • RETWEETS
    dreamthievinMalcInYourWifeTheCattyLadypseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenjohngayseesharkies3TlaxBoy05
    JustMug
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    This pint of ice cream I ate in one sitting really brings out the natural colors in my loneliness.

    • 395
    • FAVS
    dreamthievinPoiznSongbirdMalcInYourWifeEric310776MythicalCrystalTheCattyLadyPee_And_Gigglespan_opt_icon__
    • 142
    • RETWEETS
    PoiznSongbirdMalcInYourWifeMythicalCrystalTheCattyLadypseudo_fredAJ_VanFossennotstatebaliska2
    HysteriaBarbie
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    The other day bf kissed me softly, looked in my eyes & asked why my tampon wasn't out yet. Sorry ladies, guess I got the last romantic one.

    • 441
    • FAVS
    kaydahliaMalcInYourWifeMythicalCrystalTheCattyLadypseudo_fredAJ_VanFossennotstatebaliska2
    • 91
    • RETWEETS
    MalcInYourWifeTheCattyLadypseudo_fredfavstar_historyAJ_VanFossenbaliska2sharkies3TlaxBoy05
    giantsshirt______
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Poor bf...guy thinks I can't talk around his dick in my mouth. He's going to hear about my shitty day even if it chokes me.

    • 399
    • FAVS
    KarlTheFagFemonadeSpaceCatZeroamehamehhadistantshipjkylerselbyPopeFartvonTraphaus
    • 108
    • RETWEETS
    FemonadetearsandflowerserrrnahvonTraphausdreamthievinTheCattyLadyintherawmusicAJ_VanFossen
    BillArrundalePretzelNY
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Ate a whole box of donuts. But I ate them *really* fast so hopefully that counts as a workout and balances out the calories.

    • 358
    • FAVS
    dreamthievinCuriousMsMegrouquinnealisonwildeskevindividualAngryRaccoon2ewws13PoiznSongbird
    • 146
    • RETWEETS
    CuriousMsMegalisonwildeskevindividualamont8PoiznSongbirdMalcInYourWifeMythicalCrystalTheCattyLady
    HysteriaBarbie
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    I like people who use song lyrics at the end of their FB posts. It lets me know they're sensitive and about to be deleted of my friend list.

    • 406
    • FAVS
    PoiznSongbirdTheCattyLadyAJ_VanFossensharkies3hispanicmathmaniwearaonesieNaked_Wombatlucidchemistry
    • 77
    • RETWEETS
    PoiznSongbirdTheCattyLadyTlaxBoy05AJ_VanFossensharkies3lucidchemistryrickkondellPurpleCatJewels
    KimJungilSpirit__
@Sirrruh

@Sirrruh

Stand up comedian at local bus stops and contributing columnist to any public bathroom stall I walk into. http://favstar.fm/users/Sirrruh