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  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    McDonalds sweet & sour sauce is just the blood of the obese diabetic children who got stuck in the play place.

    • 1,078
    • FAVS
    gill_janyoopnativeSergeantSchultzEEEHOLAYYYYJessyMary1984ChristianPlanteloudmouth_usarockmyhead21
    • 629
    • RETWEETS
    yoopnativeEEEHOLAYYYYChristianPlanteloudmouth_usaman_spachrickkondellJonathanGoranIts_Baldylockz
    JustMugPostedandBeamedupsheezy__________XalqeeConcernedSirGuyGrashof_RockerSTOTLE
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.

    • 968
    • FAVS
    sasunaru6788withthenewsspotnikkoChristianPlanteloudmouth_usaakeempurrieremjay0106JWKingdomPoetry
    • 518
    • RETWEETS
    withthenewsloudmouth_usaemjay0106JWKingdomPoetryman_spachtsenzenirickolanternmattchew81
    lakeanagirlABurgerADayArroiaabrosenthalgiantsshirt______
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Congratulate you on losing weight? Maybe when you throw me a parade for never being obese in the first place.

    • 836
    • FAVS
    yoopnativethegudesloudmouth_usaman_spachrickolanternKTRunionbornmiserableTbone_Willis
    • 297
    • RETWEETS
    loudmouth_usabornmiserableItsReiDaRayrickkondellIts_BaldylockzIAmChristopherLRayzrRamoneheadedtospace
    _Shizzle__________Frankie_Valnoogrufus_lipschitz
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    At first I was like "Why isn't my iPad taking pictures?!" but then I was all "Oh this is a cookie sheet." Honest mistake.

    • 747
    • FAVS
    Otter_66SergeantSchultzEEEHOLAYYYYloudmouth_usaTheKyleHardyvoxerbrantlovelyjessijman_spach
    • 313
    • RETWEETS
    EEEHOLAYYYYloudmouth_usaman_spachvendetti42rickolanternbornmiserableItsReiDaRayskullpuppy11
    JosesLovesYouSmithWitConcernedSirGuyYesThatAmyBlairLoudlyDallyDoll
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Mom asked what I was laughing at. I said Twitter. She asked how to find my page. This is the same face I had on 9/11.

    • 808
    • FAVS
    yoopnativeloudmouth_usabornmiserableSirCasioKL7000rickkondellIts_BaldylockzJulie_fox126RayzrRamone
    • 222
    • RETWEETS
    bornmiserablerickkondellIts_BaldylockzcoralalloverRayzrRamoneDeurb1headedtospaceTlaxBoy05
    SoFuckingMature__ilgrandechuckSarcasmo718
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    My ex wanted me to pour this sugar in his gas tank. He didn't say it like that. The actual text said "fuck you whore" but I got the message.

    • 579
    • FAVS
    yoopnativePussycatPlacemboles71naughtygeisha3topnotchtutorItsReiDaRayADitya_Kandaripengellyink
    • 338
    • RETWEETS
    Caveman_42naughtygeisha3SirCasioKL7000franCsaysrelaxrickkondellIts_BaldylockzBeerbastard69Stabby_smurf
    DaddyJewdeathtoscumbagsJustMugPazerLenis
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    You know what's sexy? Not being a fucking asshole.

    • 630
    • FAVS
    naughtygeisha3OfeliaArizmendiAngela_Rose81Simin109rickkondellseesplitrun_MeetVirginiafukinkidnme
    • 260
    • RETWEETS
    RecklessLife402laurajanenortonBongiweTshiqiItsReiDaRayrickkondellalli_winfukinkidnmeIts_Baldylockz
    curlymalloy
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Yeah, keep pissing me off like I haven't been training to clean up a bloody murder scene since my first period...

    • 524
    • FAVS
    kuusela34PussycatPlaceVerify1OOOuh_like_iDunnoviolet_heartinFunnyTunesfilet2minionOfeliaArizmendi
    • 242
    • RETWEETS
    PussyDislocatorPussycatPlaceviolet_heartinItsReiDaRayrickkondellannie13gunzBuckwheatBerthaIts_Baldylockz
    SpankMeIm0tyDallyDollmisstarafied
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    I really live for those first five minutes of a relationship, before the hate sets in.

    • 547
    • FAVS
    SherBoBer__GoodgirlBaddestleighverpossibilyssnotnowthankyouPussycatPlaceRecklessLife402damagedave
    • 186
    • RETWEETS
    SherBoBer__leighverkuusela34PussycatPlaceTwistedFeckrickkondellfukinkidnmeIts_Baldylockz
    Petey__E__________
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    My vagina is so stubbly it looks like its been up all night solving crime.

    • 490
    • FAVS
    RecklessLife402FunnyTunesGrnjelloOfeliaArizmendiMichaelDwalkersTwistedFecknathanbrenner38Ovunitalota
    • 214
    • RETWEETS
    PabliinxquiiTwistedFecknathanbrenner38ClamDiveSimin109rickkondellBoobsMcCoolIts_Baldylockz
    Lisabug74JoshuaHvr
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Do you ever get your period and think, well that explains those 30 arguments I started this morning?

    • 392
    • FAVS
    cougarawPussycatPlaceFunnyTunesfilet2minioncrystal23_1imamoftimelineRNHillbilliesSimin109
    • 242
    • RETWEETS
    PussycatPlaceThis_isnt_meSimin109rickkondelloOo_aly_oOoIts_BaldylockzRayzrRamoneawordforaword
    another_lisa
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    If there's a more important decision than picking a towel you won't mind turning into a murder scene for period sex someone please tell me.

    • 485
    • FAVS
    pengellyinkWiseFadarickkondellBoobsMcCoolIts_BaldylockzRayzrRamonejannable9VenusRockHobbit
    • 95
    • RETWEETS
    WiseFadaTreacleVerityrickkondellIts_BaldylockzFunkyFresh_79annejerbBryanThadizzlerEG_ESF
    Mr_0rang3DanKCharnleyFrankCurtisB
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Why couldn't I have been the hot, tan, Mila Kunis kind of Russian instead of the pale, blocky, 'help me move these trees' kind of Russian?!

    • 439
    • FAVS
    naughtygeisha3bornmiserableLukeeuuADitya_Kandarimewhinneytamis_02rickkondellIts_Baldylockz
    • 113
    • RETWEETS
    B_L_O_N_D_E_bornmiserableTreacleVerityrickkondellIts_BaldylockzRayzrRamoneAlpheySamDeLanche
    adambation
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Relationships, because how else will you know how you're failing as a person?

    • 390
    • FAVS
    jjackiehorriganKayArePeanaughtygeisha3This_isnt_merickkondellSeekingMyAnchorBoobsMcCoolIts_Baldylockz
    • 155
    • RETWEETS
    GabitahMXnaughtygeisha3spuddydave10RBtruthsSoulFuLldoucheThis_isnt_merickkondellBoobsMcCool
    rossbransondgphotos__________twayne1010
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    I can't be the only woman who gets creeped out when she realizes her ovaries sniff out and sync up with other ovaries without her permission

    • 435
    • FAVS
    Tweets_GoneWildyoopnativewcarie3Carmel_ColemanPussycatPlaceRummyLaudedMeriskatmewhinney
    • 100
    • RETWEETS
    wcarie3PussycatPlacefunTweetersskullpuppy11rickkondellIts_Baldylockzcquinnelly73______Up2Long
    JustMug
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    The other day bf kissed me softly, looked in my eyes & asked why my tampon wasn't out yet. Sorry ladies, guess I got the last romantic one.

    • 428
    • FAVS
    truetootrueaveuaskewzzelda01skullpuppy11rickkondellthatgirlMOJonathanGoranIts_Baldylockz
    • 82
    • RETWEETS
    skullpuppy11rickkondellJonathanGoranIts_BaldylockzVenusRockHobbitbrownpoopypantsBillArrundalegreg_vee
    giantsshirt______
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    This pint of ice cream I ate in one sitting really brings out the natural colors in my loneliness.

    • 371
    • FAVS
    Eileen4REceslsutruetootrueImMerneSeronTecumseh254rickkondellwhos_maddady_PBody__
    • 128
    • RETWEETS
    markbrianVelvet_Steeleneelamalibalochpengellyinkrickkondellwhos_maddady_PBody__PurpleCatJewels
    HysteriaBarbie
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    I like people who use song lyrics at the end of their FB posts. It lets me know they're sensitive and about to be deleted of my friend list.

    • 397
    • FAVS
    bornmiserablecrazyjet379tamis_02rickkondellBoobsMcCoolwhos_maddadyAdeleHaas1PurpleCatJewels
    • 71
    • RETWEETS
    rickkondellPurpleCatJewelswizwonder9Its_BaldylockzVenusRockHobbithiiicaitlinFleeBiscuitBryanThadizzler
    KimJungilSpirit__
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Poor bf...guy thinks I can't talk around his dick in my mouth. He's going to hear about my shitty day even if it chokes me.

    • 366
    • FAVS
    tamis_02pengellyinkrickkondellBoobsMcCooljannable9kDuncanGmattduck21VenusRockHobbit
    • 91
    • RETWEETS
    rickkondellVenusRockHobbitFruitOfTheLoin____brownpoopypantsJaysmemoirBillArrundaleTeddieFoxLickyourstein____
    BillArrundalePretzelNY
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Ate a whole box of donuts. But I ate them *really* fast so hopefully that counts as a workout and balances out the calories.

    • 316
    • FAVS
    Sean_Kemmewhinneyrickkondelljannable9VenusRockHobbiteiffeltowerchiSarahLaletinTwisted_Mettle
    • 122
    • RETWEETS
    spuddydave10Sean_Kemrickkondellwyoung8921VenusRockHobbitAna_stay22VCC513bornmiserable
    HysteriaBarbie
@Sirrruh

@Sirrruh

Stand up comedian at local bus stops and contributing columnist to any public bathroom stall I walk into. http://favstar.fm/users/Sirrruh