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  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    McDonalds sweet & sour sauce is just the blood of the obese diabetic children who got stuck in the play place.

    • 1,145
    • FAVS
    zachv86hadafewbeersmarkste71128147ediable_arsenicMakesYouGigglebuffalove025CassandrasJackvikkaroni
    • 677
    • RETWEETS
    zachv86CassandrasJackvikkaroniGelasticGoGoDearAbbySimonstardustdesireSaraESpiveyBazN17
    Redright_88OfficeofSteveJustMugPostedandBeamedupsheezy__________XalqeeConcernedSirGuyGrashof_RockerSTOTLE
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.

    • 1,072
    • FAVS
    zachv86hadafewbeersmarkste71128147Rollinintheseatediable_arsenicDearAbbySimonelisabetherapypinkcheetah41
    • 585
    • RETWEETS
    DearAbbySimoniamathwarttrashtasticajust_jennyxPeterZTrainInkedUpKidderCrayziedennisGigintonic
    lakeanagirlABurgerADayArroiaabrosenthalgiantsshirt______
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Congratulate you on losing weight? Maybe when you throw me a parade for never being obese in the first place.

    • 876
    • FAVS
    bluemelody84hadafewbeersediable_arsenicvikkaroniDearAbbySimonHobo_SplendidoMr_KapowskiJB_4_Realz
    • 320
    • RETWEETS
    hadafewbeersDearAbbySimonRebelDomesticHobo_SplendidoSpaced_Cowboy00MalcInYourWifeTheCattyLadyOkieGirl405
    _Shizzle__________Frankie_Valnoog__rufus_lipschitz
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    My ex wanted me to pour this sugar in his gas tank. He didn't say it like that. The actual text said "fuck you whore" but I got the message.

    • 736
    • FAVS
    zachv86hadafewbeersediable_arsenicDearAbbySimonsafzorocanberrajonkellybeeskneeswatsoash
    • 415
    • RETWEETS
    ediable_arseniccanberrajonsolo1414kadeeegmaddawg_92Mr_KapowskicozbelligerentSpaced_Cowboy00
    DaddyJewdeathtoscumbagsJustMugPazerLenis
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    At first I was like "Why isn't my iPad taking pictures?!" but then I was all "Oh this is a cookie sheet." Honest mistake.

    • 796
    • FAVS
    zachv86hadafewbeersediable_arsenicMr_KapowskiJB_4_RealzFredzipfeldeviledlegsSpaced_Cowboy00
    • 335
    • RETWEETS
    hadafewbeersediable_arsenicfavstar_historydeviledlegsSpaced_Cowboy00michaelpathMalcInYourWifeTheCattyLady
    JosesLovesYouSmithWitConcernedSirGuyYesThatAmyBlairLoudlyDallyDoll
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Mom asked what I was laughing at. I said Twitter. She asked how to find my page. This is the same face I had on 9/11.

    • 858
    • FAVS
    zachv86hadafewbeersediable_arsenicbuzcutsMr_KapowskiBrianIncognitoluvmyADHD__nientiqui
    • 251
    • RETWEETS
    buzcutsluvmyADHD__nientiquiGinGanderGanderGinNuriwana_kaitlynluv95XOXO_ros
    JB_4_RealzDionneMcNuttSoFuckingMature__ilgrandechuckSarcasmo718
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    You know what's sexy? Not being a fucking asshole.

    • 733
    • FAVS
    hadafewbeersStokelyRainbowmadisonw2017kgibby_sailorgirl773kimmyeelsAriadneBoundBitterAngryMan1
    • 330
    • RETWEETS
    kay201099jillymag2010DarthScotmonkeyAriadneBoundSamaad_AhmedMadamBetteNoireSufficientCharmAgingAss
    curlymalloy
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    My vagina is so stubbly it looks like its been up all night solving crime.

    • 626
    • FAVS
    TeeJayRushhadafewbeersBob_JankeprettymonstersAvepatesSamInspiredliutas665_3ediable_arsenic
    • 271
    • RETWEETS
    prettymonstersliutas665_3ediable_arsenicWalterEsseralenhappyfaceBrandisandreRDavidOnTheWireMr_Kapowski
    SilleVioLisabug74JoshuaHvr
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Yeah, keep pissing me off like I haven't been training to clean up a bloody murder scene since my first period...

    • 581
    • FAVS
    hadafewbeersSamInspiredediable_arsenicscottdedalusLauraPalmer198madithomas530Mr_KapowskiJB_4_Realz
    • 270
    • RETWEETS
    SamInspiredediable_arsenicLauraPalmer198Mr_KapowskijaredpriceMcCutty1AnkitTripathi5GOLD1EGLOCKS
    SpankMeIm0tyDallyDollmisstarafied
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    I really live for those first five minutes of a relationship, before the hate sets in.

    • 602
    • FAVS
    hadafewbeersediable_arsenicMr_KapowskiJB_4_RealzaprilmaywilsondeviledlegspradogodGingerGander
    • 210
    • RETWEETS
    pradogodwilliamwantonPoiznSongbirdMalcInYourWifeMythicalCrystalTheCattyLadyTheTalkingPipe__Imsohoppy
    williamwantonPetey__E__________
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Do you ever get your period and think, well that explains those 30 arguments I started this morning?

    • 476
    • FAVS
    hadafewbeersediable_arsenicMr_KapowskiJimboleemwilliamwantondeviledlegsSpaced_Cowboy00dreamthievin
    • 275
    • RETWEETS
    IIArmstrongAnnMitchellMcDsneezy20340967heartlessliejjgraperina_maReenasanityinabottleJay_FrickinLynn
    another_lisa
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Relationships, because how else will you know how you're failing as a person?

    • 434
    • FAVS
    zachv86hadafewbeersediable_arsenicMr_KapowskiChaos10112ndCitySaintphobophileJimboleem
    • 180
    • RETWEETS
    zachv86Chaos10112ndCitySaintphobophilewilliamwantonPoiznSongbirdMalcInYourWifeTheCattyLady
    rossbransondgphotos__________twayne1010
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    If there's a more important decision than picking a towel you won't mind turning into a murder scene for period sex someone please tell me.

    • 506
    • FAVS
    hadafewbeersediable_arsenicClintPounderMr_KapowskiJB_4_Realzwilliamwantondreamthievinmichaelpath
    • 103
    • RETWEETS
    Mr_KapowskiMalcInYourWifeTheCattyLadypseudo_fredAJ_VanFossensharkies3TlaxBoy05VanVeenB__
    Mr_0rang3DanKCharnleyFrankCurtisB
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Why couldn't I have been the hot, tan, Mila Kunis kind of Russian instead of the pale, blocky, 'help me move these trees' kind of Russian?!

    • 468
    • FAVS
    hadafewbeersediable_arsenicMr_KapowskiJB_4_RealzJimboleemaprilmaywilsonhalbaktFruit_Slinger
    • 125
    • RETWEETS
    Fruit_SlingerjohngayseekevindividualPoiznSongbirdMalcInYourWifeTheCattyLadypseudo_fredAJ_VanFossen
    adamrunsfar
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    I can't be the only woman who gets creeped out when she realizes her ovaries sniff out and sync up with other ovaries without her permission

    • 464
    • FAVS
    hadafewbeersediable_arsenicStacy_Face81erin4091barah_suntingraycholebunnyMr_Kapowskijilleb163
    • 115
    • RETWEETS
    erin4091raycholebunnyBrookeFHaney_Mr_KapowskijaredpriceMcCutty1dreamthievinMalcInYourWife
    JustMug
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    This pint of ice cream I ate in one sitting really brings out the natural colors in my loneliness.

    • 401
    • FAVS
    hadafewbeersediable_arsenicMr_KapowskiJimboleemaprilmaywilsondeviledlegsdreamthievinPoiznSongbird
    • 142
    • RETWEETS
    PoiznSongbirdMalcInYourWifeMythicalCrystalTheCattyLadypseudo_fredAJ_VanFossennotstatebaliska2
    HysteriaBarbie
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    The other day bf kissed me softly, looked in my eyes & asked why my tampon wasn't out yet. Sorry ladies, guess I got the last romantic one.

    • 444
    • FAVS
    hadafewbeersediable_arsenicMr_KapowskikaydahliaMalcInYourWifeMythicalCrystalTheCattyLadypseudo_fred
    • 91
    • RETWEETS
    MalcInYourWifeTheCattyLadypseudo_fredfavstar_historyAJ_VanFossenbaliska2sharkies3TlaxBoy05
    giantsshirt______
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Poor bf...guy thinks I can't talk around his dick in my mouth. He's going to hear about my shitty day even if it chokes me.

    • 411
    • FAVS
    hadafewbeersediable_arsenicJaqdiRassoollikearock3588ElizabethBoger2kibrinichelleissabeelleeSaintYanicholas
    • 115
    • RETWEETS
    ediable_arsenicYourWorship_mostillusiveissabeelleeLengsanity1Mr_KapowskiMcCutty1Femonade
    BillArrundalePretzelNY
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Ate a whole box of donuts. But I ate them *really* fast so hopefully that counts as a workout and balances out the calories.

    • 363
    • FAVS
    hadafewbeersediable_arsenicMr_KapowskiJimboleempradogoddreamthievinCuriousMsMegrouquinne
    • 146
    • RETWEETS
    CuriousMsMegDuchessAlisonkevindividualamont8PoiznSongbirdMalcInYourWifeMythicalCrystalTheCattyLady
    HysteriaBarbie
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    I like people who use song lyrics at the end of their FB posts. It lets me know they're sensitive and about to be deleted of my friend list.

    • 409
    • FAVS
    hadafewbeersediable_arsenicMr_KapowskiPoiznSongbirdTheCattyLadyAJ_VanFossensharkies3hispanicmathman
    • 77
    • RETWEETS
    PoiznSongbirdTheCattyLadyTlaxBoy05AJ_VanFossensharkies3lucidchemistryrickkondellPurpleCatJewels
    KimJungilSpirit__
@Sirrruh

@Sirrruh

Stand up comedian at local bus stops and contributing columnist to any public bathroom stall I walk into. http://favstar.fm/users/Sirrruh

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