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  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    McDonalds sweet & sour sauce is just the blood of the obese diabetic children who got stuck in the play place.

    • 1,107
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_GigglesMondayPajamasjody_currieKevinctyler2pseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenPoiznSongbirdcelestinelea90
    • 652
    • RETWEETS
    MondayPajamasOfficeofSteveNawkfutspseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenPoiznSongbirdPAT_E_ROCKnovicefather
    OfficeofSteveJustMugPostedandBeamedupsheezy__________XalqeeConcernedSirGuyGrashof_RockerSTOTLE
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.

    • 1,008
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_GigglesMondayPajamasTheTalkingPipeImsohoppypseudo_fredclemsencabaiosueltoCody011
    • 550
    • RETWEETS
    MondayPajamasOfficeofSteveAlejandraortigTheTalkingPipeImsohoppypseudo_fredmelizecheAJ_VanFossen
    lakeanagirlABurgerADayArroiaabrosenthalgiantsshirt______
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Congratulate you on losing weight? Maybe when you throw me a parade for never being obese in the first place.

    • 860
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_GigglesMondayPajamashbreaker9999pseudo_fredBrianIncognitoAJ_VanFossenPoiznSongbirdPAT_E_ROCK
    • 312
    • RETWEETS
    MondayPajamasOfficeofStevepseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenPoiznSongbirdPAT_E_ROCKVirgin_Boxfsuflores
    _Shizzle__________Frankie_Valnoogrufus_lipschitz
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    At first I was like "Why isn't my iPad taking pictures?!" but then I was all "Oh this is a cookie sheet." Honest mistake.

    • 781
    • FAVS
    TheTalkingPipeelizabiteSuMacDanslcsmasherthe_anastasiadesponderSonyaCraig15hbreaker9999
    • 326
    • RETWEETS
    OfficeofSteveTheTalkingPipehbreaker9999pseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenPoiznSongbirdPAT_E_ROCKsharkies3
    JosesLovesYouSmithWitConcernedSirGuyYesThatAmyBlairLoudlyDallyDoll
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    My ex wanted me to pour this sugar in his gas tank. He didn't say it like that. The actual text said "fuck you whore" but I got the message.

    • 675
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_GigglesBorderlinerunImsohoppykillthegreatspseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenlitLgrrrlTheBeerGuy73
    • 395
    • RETWEETS
    Imsohoppypseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenEagles_Fan_1977TheBeerGuy73MayyJuneJulyyJack_GrizzlyHollyHeals
    DaddyJewdeathtoscumbagsJustMugPazerLenis
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Mom asked what I was laughing at. I said Twitter. She asked how to find my page. This is the same face I had on 9/11.

    • 834
    • FAVS
    AnonymousInZAImsohoppypseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenPoiznSongbirdPAT_E_ROCKnovicefatherSpacePlankton
    • 236
    • RETWEETS
    Imsohoppypseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenPoiznSongbirdPAT_E_ROCKFrankCurtisBjohngayseesharkies3
    DionneMcNuttSoFuckingMature__ilgrandechuckSarcasmo718
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    You know what's sexy? Not being a fucking asshole.

    • 665
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_Gigglespseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenPoiznSongbirdtweeterjak143sternOMG_Jessica_GPAT_E_ROCK
    • 288
    • RETWEETS
    jimmyfnjonesPee_And_Gigglespseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenPoiznSongbirdAHouse21tweeterjak143stern
    curlymalloy
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Yeah, keep pissing me off like I haven't been training to clean up a bloody murder scene since my first period...

    • 550
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_GigglescipollonskyheaveninabowlTheTalkingPipepseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenPAT_E_ROCKnovicefather
    • 254
    • RETWEETS
    TheTalkingPipepseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenPAT_E_ROCKbbyvelociraptorfillthevacuumsharkies3WheelTod
    SpankMeIm0tyDallyDollmisstarafied
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    My vagina is so stubbly it looks like its been up all night solving crime.

    • 552
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_GigglesBorderlinerunpseudo_fredTara4nowAJ_VanFossenOMG_Jessica_GPAT_E_ROCKRStosGale
    • 238
    • RETWEETS
    Borderlinerunpseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenPAT_E_ROCKEricBBlazedcarpssiodaise13dylanmackinnon2
    Lisabug74JoshuaHvr
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    I really live for those first five minutes of a relationship, before the hate sets in.

    • 582
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_GigglesTheTalkingPipeImsohoppyMadamBetteNoirepseudo_fredAJ_VanFossen143sternnezror
    • 204
    • RETWEETS
    TheTalkingPipeImsohoppypseudo_fredAJ_VanFossen143sternPenguinCrystalPAT_E_ROCKJeeepsta
    Petey__E__________
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Do you ever get your period and think, well that explains those 30 arguments I started this morning?

    • 432
    • FAVS
    Borderlinerunpseudo_fredAJ_VanFossen_theigirlfillthevacuumserialmatrixLorieGZCrossfireAngel7
    • 257
    • RETWEETS
    BorderlinerunMargo690pseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenfillthevacuumgeenuhhh_gdaise13jayna_patrice
    another_lisa
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    If there's a more important decision than picking a towel you won't mind turning into a murder scene for period sex someone please tell me.

    • 495
    • FAVS
    pseudo_fredAJ_VanFossensharkies3TlaxBoy05BadaBingehispanicmathmaniwearaonesienerdysongbird__
    • 100
    • RETWEETS
    pseudo_fredAJ_VanFossensharkies3TlaxBoy05VanVeenBWiseFadaTreacleVerityrickkondell
    Mr_0rang3DanKCharnleyFrankCurtisB
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Relationships, because how else will you know how you're failing as a person?

    • 419
    • FAVS
    pseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenHeyZeus666FoolSpeakBackpackerBooieGutiIslandAndee_Stewartkrispythehuman
    • 172
    • RETWEETS
    pseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenlisa_wegnerGutiIslandAndee_StewartkrispythehumannovicefatherJwillies79
    rossbransondgphotos__________twayne1010
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Why couldn't I have been the hot, tan, Mila Kunis kind of Russian instead of the pale, blocky, 'help me move these trees' kind of Russian?!

    • 454
    • FAVS
    pseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenLorieGZnotstatekrispythehumansharkies3TlaxBoy05hispanicmathman
    • 119
    • RETWEETS
    pseudo_fredAJ_VanFossensharkies3TlaxBoy05nerdysongbird__VanVeenBB_L_O_N_D_E_bornmiserable
    adambation
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    I can't be the only woman who gets creeped out when she realizes her ovaries sniff out and sync up with other ovaries without her permission

    • 446
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_Gigglesninjadinosaur1pseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenoysterpadsnotstatesharkies3TlaxBoy05
    • 106
    • RETWEETS
    pseudo_fredAJ_VanFossenjohngayseesharkies3TlaxBoy05VanVeenBwcarie3PussycatPlace
    JustMug
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    This pint of ice cream I ate in one sitting really brings out the natural colors in my loneliness.

    • 389
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_Gigglespan_opt_iconpseudo_fredAJ_VanFossennovicefatherLorieGZbaliska2sharkies3
    • 138
    • RETWEETS
    pseudo_fredAJ_VanFossennotstatebaliska2sharkies3TlaxBoy05AshLynLovnerdysongbird__
    HysteriaBarbie
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    The other day bf kissed me softly, looked in my eyes & asked why my tampon wasn't out yet. Sorry ladies, guess I got the last romantic one.

    • 437
    • FAVS
    pseudo_fredAJ_VanFossennotstatebaliska2sharkies3TlaxBoy05hispanicmathmaniwearaonesie
    • 89
    • RETWEETS
    pseudo_fredfavstar_historyAJ_VanFossenbaliska2sharkies3TlaxBoy05VanVeenBskullpuppy11
    giantsshirt______
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Poor bf...guy thinks I can't talk around his dick in my mouth. He's going to hear about my shitty day even if it chokes me.

    • 387
    • FAVS
    intherawmusicTara4nowAJ_VanFossenorangehamster13160bookssharkies3TlaxBoy05hispanicmathman
    • 102
    • RETWEETS
    intherawmusicAJ_VanFossen160bookssharkies3TlaxBoy05iwearaonesieDionneMcNuttNaked_Wombat
    BillArrundalePretzelNY
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Ate a whole box of donuts. But I ate them *really* fast so hopefully that counts as a workout and balances out the calories.

    • 346
    • FAVS
    Pee_And_GigglesAJ_VanFossenLorieGZsharkies3HoneyHoneyrach__lucy_nyholm123LoveMyScionFRSCopperheadSammi
    • 138
    • RETWEETS
    TlaxBoy05AJ_VanFossenlucy_nyholm123sharkies3LoveMyScionFRSCopperheadSammitwayne1010shishay1617
    HysteriaBarbie
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    I like people who use song lyrics at the end of their FB posts. It lets me know they're sensitive and about to be deleted of my friend list.

    • 404
    • FAVS
    AJ_VanFossensharkies3hispanicmathmaniwearaonesieNaked_WombatlucidchemistryVanVeenBbornmiserable
    • 75
    • RETWEETS
    TlaxBoy05AJ_VanFossensharkies3lucidchemistryrickkondellPurpleCatJewelswizwonder9Its_Baldylockz
    KimJungilSpirit__
@Sirrruh

@Sirrruh

Stand up comedian at local bus stops and contributing columnist to any public bathroom stall I walk into. http://favstar.fm/users/Sirrruh