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  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    McDonalds sweet & sour sauce is just the blood of the obese diabetic children who got stuck in the play place.

    • 1,095
    • FAVS
    financechargesharkies3RioShaynewhaddupbruhhBadaBingehispanicmathmanGamersRespawnMcAttack88
    • 643
    • RETWEETS
    ScottIncognegroKingPauly_sharkies3BadaBingehispanicmathmanGamersRespawnMcAttack88ShaunFeldman
    JustMugPostedandBeamedupsheezy__________XalqeeConcernedSirGuyGrashof_RockerSTOTLE
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.

    • 989
    • FAVS
    notstatesharkies3AnemoneHegemonyRusttyIsMyNameBadaBingecplusaverageWheelTodhispanicmathman
    • 534
    • RETWEETS
    sharkies3BohatSaraaRusttyIsMyNameWheelTodhispanicmathmansocio_atheistJustEnduringjennabear37
    lakeanagirlABurgerADayArroiaabrosenthalgiantsshirt______
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Congratulate you on losing weight? Maybe when you throw me a parade for never being obese in the first place.

    • 849
    • FAVS
    sharkies3BadaBingeNerdlikelyhispanicmathmanDarkerWillowjimmorrow1965overeaseesweetg35
    • 304
    • RETWEETS
    sharkies3hispanicmathmanDarkerWillowsuzyz40DionneMcNuttNaked_Wombatbaliska2loudmouth_usa
    _Shizzle__________Frankie_Valnoogrufus_lipschitz
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    At first I was like "Why isn't my iPad taking pictures?!" but then I was all "Oh this is a cookie sheet." Honest mistake.

    • 767
    • FAVS
    sharkies3BadaBingewally_B_69alabamawurleycookiesnweedekSquaredmagavulpeJJ_Alexander
    • 319
    • RETWEETS
    sharkies3nattylumpo88nicoleagallantaprilmaywilsonSilverDragon017nerdysongbird__EEEHOLAYYYYloudmouth_usa
    JosesLovesYouSmithWitConcernedSirGuyYesThatAmyBlairLoudlyDallyDoll
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Mom asked what I was laughing at. I said Twitter. She asked how to find my page. This is the same face I had on 9/11.

    • 825
    • FAVS
    Smooheednotstatesharkies3BadaBingeWheelTodhispanicmathmanGamersRespawniwearaonesie
    • 231
    • RETWEETS
    FrankCurtisBjohngayseesharkies3GamersRespawn_sinaysi_paulceasar18DionneMcNuttNaked_Wombat
    DionneMcNuttSoFuckingMature__ilgrandechuckSarcasmo718
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    My ex wanted me to pour this sugar in his gas tank. He didn't say it like that. The actual text said "fuck you whore" but I got the message.

    • 651
    • FAVS
    CrossfireAngel7daise13nasstyhabitzk9danni_belKandiwapa__Youngbr2002not_7upselfishbeth
    • 380
    • RETWEETS
    daise13The_SugaBugPaulusStKandiwapa__mimi_gmhYoungbr2002jleonard777Rolltide_mn
    DaddyJewdeathtoscumbagsJustMugPazerLenis
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    You know what's sexy? Not being a fucking asshole.

    • 649
    • FAVS
    GSHOK9EnterOpheliasharkies3BadaBingeaprilmaywilsonhispanicmathmanovereaseefreecitysounds
    • 272
    • RETWEETS
    GSHOK9EnterOpheliasharkies3freecitysoundsSazBartzAshLynLovPJLathburysuzyz40
    curlymalloy
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Yeah, keep pissing me off like I haven't been training to clean up a bloody murder scene since my first period...

    • 537
    • FAVS
    sharkies3WheelTodhispanicmathmanDarkerWillowovereaseevesperazwartjanHuwLaytonpreetyybirdd
    • 248
    • RETWEETS
    sharkies3WheelTodHuwLaytonDionneMcNuttNaked_WombatVanVeenBPussyDislocatorPussycatPlace
    SpankMeIm0tyDallyDollmisstarafied
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    My vagina is so stubbly it looks like its been up all night solving crime.

    • 539
    • FAVS
    daise13trill_fawnnot_7updylanmackinnon2KingConsLairTrailofSlimeFrankCurtisBnotstate
    • 232
    • RETWEETS
    daise13dylanmackinnon2FrankCurtisBsharkies3TlaxBoy05ZoeeebolognawhaddupbruhhBadaBinge
    Lisabug74JoshuaHvr
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    I really live for those first five minutes of a relationship, before the hate sets in.

    • 564
    • FAVS
    sharkies3EvileSkullZoeeebolognaBadaBingeWheelTodhispanicmathmaniwearaonesieDarkerWillow
    • 193
    • RETWEETS
    WhySwiersharkies3whaddupbruhhBadaBingeCallMeDraperminnie_in_pink7nerdysongbird__SherBoBer
    Petey__E__________
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Do you ever get your period and think, well that explains those 30 arguments I started this morning?

    • 425
    • FAVS
    CrossfireAngel7wendyvallartareloomis14daise13not_7upTisonMcCartneychasenuelTheBeerGuy73
    • 252
    • RETWEETS
    geenuhhh_gdaise13jayna_patriceFrankCurtisBknowingthinkerjohngayseesharkies3TlaxBoy05
    another_lisa
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    If there's a more important decision than picking a towel you won't mind turning into a murder scene for period sex someone please tell me.

    • 493
    • FAVS
    sharkies3TlaxBoy05BadaBingehispanicmathmaniwearaonesienerdysongbird__kindafunnypatVanVeenB
    • 98
    • RETWEETS
    sharkies3TlaxBoy05VanVeenBWiseFadaTreacleVerityrickkondellIts_BaldylockzFunkyFresh_79
    Mr_0rang3DanKCharnleyFrankCurtisB
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Relationships, because how else will you know how you're failing as a person?

    • 409
    • FAVS
    notstatesharkies3TlaxBoy05hispanicmathmanGamersRespawnDarkerWillowiammaylynnsweetg35
    • 165
    • RETWEETS
    Jwillies79sharkies3TlaxBoy05TraanceaddictGamersRespawnwicce_podgeamyksch9DionneMcNutt
    rossbransondgphotos__________twayne1010
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Why couldn't I have been the hot, tan, Mila Kunis kind of Russian instead of the pale, blocky, 'help me move these trees' kind of Russian?!

    • 451
    • FAVS
    notstatekrispythehumansharkies3TlaxBoy05hispanicmathmaniwearaonesieDarkerWillowchatomanson
    • 117
    • RETWEETS
    sharkies3TlaxBoy05nerdysongbird__VanVeenBB_L_O_N_D_E_bornmiserableTreacleVerityrickkondell
    adambation
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    I can't be the only woman who gets creeped out when she realizes her ovaries sniff out and sync up with other ovaries without her permission

    • 442
    • FAVS
    oysterpadsnotstatesharkies3TlaxBoy05hispanicmathmannerdysongbird__VanVeenBTweets_GoneWild
    • 104
    • RETWEETS
    johngayseesharkies3TlaxBoy05VanVeenBwcarie3PussycatPlacefunTweetersskullpuppy11
    JustMug
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    The other day bf kissed me softly, looked in my eyes & asked why my tampon wasn't out yet. Sorry ladies, guess I got the last romantic one.

    • 435
    • FAVS
    notstatebaliska2sharkies3TlaxBoy05hispanicmathmaniwearaonesieVanVeenBtruetootrue
    • 86
    • RETWEETS
    baliska2sharkies3TlaxBoy05VanVeenBskullpuppy11rickkondellJonathanGoranIts_Baldylockz
    giantsshirt______
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    This pint of ice cream I ate in one sitting really brings out the natural colors in my loneliness.

    • 383
    • FAVS
    baliska2sharkies3TlaxBoy05hispanicmathmaniwearaonesieTexasMarValwicce_podgeBigTom0203__
    • 136
    • RETWEETS
    notstatebaliska2sharkies3TlaxBoy05AshLynLovnerdysongbird__Naked_Wombatlucidchemistry
    HysteriaBarbie
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Poor bf...guy thinks I can't talk around his dick in my mouth. He's going to hear about my shitty day even if it chokes me.

    • 384
    • FAVS
    orangehamster13160bookssharkies3TlaxBoy05hispanicmathmangaston_marianJessicaFinnaneiwearaonesie
    • 100
    • RETWEETS
    160bookssharkies3TlaxBoy05iwearaonesieDionneMcNuttNaked_Wombatlucidchemistryvagabondheart89
    BillArrundalePretzelNY
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    Ate a whole box of donuts. But I ate them *really* fast so hopefully that counts as a workout and balances out the calories.

    • 343
    • FAVS
    sharkies3HoneyHoneyrachlucy_nyholm123LetsGoDoyersCopperheadSammiabesaldivarnatalibonanolea__audrey
    • 136
    • RETWEETS
    lucy_nyholm123sharkies3LetsGoDoyersCopperheadSammitwayne1010shishay1617Lerkyjannable9
    HysteriaBarbie
  • Sirrruh
      Sirrruh @Sirrruh

    I like people who use song lyrics at the end of their FB posts. It lets me know they're sensitive and about to be deleted of my friend list.

    • 403
    • FAVS
    sharkies3hispanicmathmaniwearaonesieNaked_WombatlucidchemistryVanVeenBbornmiserablecrazyjet379
    • 73
    • RETWEETS
    sharkies3lucidchemistryrickkondellPurpleCatJewelswizwonder9Its_BaldylockzVenusRockHobbithiiicaitlin
    KimJungilSpirit__
@Sirrruh

@Sirrruh

Stand up comedian at local bus stops and contributing columnist to any public bathroom stall I walk into. http://favstar.fm/users/Sirrruh