Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
If this kid asks me, "Guess what?" one more time... I'm gonna stab him... and blame the cat.
2 in the pink and 2 in the stink = The Spocker
That whole your/you're thing is at least 5x as funny when it's in a tattoo.
Say what you want about the song but A-Ha's "Take On Me" video was bad ass for '86.
Should be mandatory to work a year of retail customer service after high school so people will know how douche-baggish they'll sound later.
I don't use a draft folder. I only have free range tweets that are humanely killed.
I've had so much caffeine today that I can see 5 minutes into the future.
If anyone is wondering at my increase in vagina anatomy related tweets I'm planning on drawing or 3D sclupting a beaver fighting a snake.
A few of my followers haven't tweeted in months. I presume dead. Don't worry, you will live on as I pad my numbers with your digital corpse.
Anyone know any Sodium, Bromine , or Oxygen jokes? Na BrO
16 bots blocked. I say use federal resources to cut fingers off spammers. Let them type that shit with their tongues on barb wire keyboards.
This network fax/printer is fucking possessed. Keeps saying incoming call and powering on. Maybe Satan is faxing me about my reservations.
Tech: "Have you recently installed any updates?"
Caller: "I updated an excel spreadsheet earlier today."
I've always felt that murdering a single customer may actually be better customer service for the rest of the customers. It's a one off.
I'd probably have better things to tweet if I actually still went places and did things. Also if I still drank heavily...
Enough "occupy my vagina" jokes. Thousands of people involved with that occupying shit right now. Your pussy would look like a wind sock.
So when I get 100 followers I get a zombie riding a unicorn named bacon and my name written on cleavage. What? That's not how twitter works?
I think I'm finally doing Twitter right. I haven't had a RL friend call me in weeks and I still have to charge my smart phone 3x a day.