Only in America would shoes that make walking more difficult become popular

To make myself feel better I like to refer to my one night stands as " random acts of kindness"

Made pork chops, macaroni and cheese for dinner.... Oops sorry thought i was on my facebook... My bad

This has been a shit stain of a day wtf happened to the days when I was stoned and blowing someone on a Saturday night....

Motivational quote of the day " people are fucking stupid"

No matter how many baths I take I can't wash away the dirty girl....

Is it possible to be to depressed to masterbate?

I may not tweet much & mostly retweet and favorite what I like, but at least I DON'T STEAL PEOPLES TWEETS u unimaginative fucks!

My husband left me, I haven't had sex in 3 weeks.... And how the fuck was your day?

Saw a guy walking around with "douche" on his hoodie , thanks for the heads up, bro!

Grrr loneliness sucks!!

Everyday is hump day for me....

Eating Mexican dip, reading Fitness magazine... I like to confuse people especially myself

Trick or treat give me someone good to eat.....

I feel like fuckin shit up tonight....

I have had one of those " I want to throat punch everyone" kinda days.

Mornings are so ridiculous. ...

I just heard that Honey boo boo went international. Thank you to the network that is truly going to make our country look like dumbasses!!!

Oh 5 hour energy, how I love you so! But why must you taste like complete dog shit?

We started this year out wrong.... Obama another term and honey boo boo another season. Sweet baby Jesus save us.....