@sista_flapjack's (Sista Flapjack) most favourited tweets

@sista_flapjack

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@sista_flapjack's (Sista Flapjack) most faved Tweets...

I guess including the bill from my therapist in the Father's Day card was a teensy bit passive-aggressive.

@sista_flapjack

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Since breaking up with my boyfriend, I've noticed I crave foods high in protein.

Also, I have gone though two 12 packs of AA batteries.

@sista_flapjack

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Sleep is like sex:

I don't get either one as much as I want, nor as deep as I like.

@sista_flapjack

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I AM A MOTHERFUCKING CATCH.

AND, I SWALLOW.

File under: Stupid Things I Text to My Dear Friends Under the Influence of Ambien.

@sista_flapjack

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Two roads diverged in a yellow wood & I took the one less traveled by.
Now I'm stuck in a rut & lost.

Never take directions from a poet.

@sista_flapjack

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What happens in Wales stays in Wales because sheep can't talk.

@sista_flapjack

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If my ex went down on me as much as Twitter, we might still be married.

@sista_flapjack

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I bet you could make a lot of money selling vibrators in hotels since no one would fly with them.

NO REASON.

JUST THINKING OUT LOUD.

@sista_flapjack

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Girl in the dressing room next door is complaining a size zero is too big.
If I kick her ass, any court of law would find me not guilty.

@sista_flapjack

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I need to come up with something I'm thankful for before tomorrow. Otherwise, it will be really awkward when I say "my vibrator".

@sista_flapjack

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I am not allowed to swear on FB anymore due to a crack down by my sisters.

And yes, I have unfollowed and blocked those bitches.

@sista_flapjack

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I don't know if I can date you just yet; we are only linked by two social networks.

@sista_flapjack

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June is National Celibacy Awareness Month.

Celibacy sucks.

Consider yourself aware. Please excuse me while I go get laid.

@sista_flapjack

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What I lack in grace, I make up for by having a great rack.

@sista_flapjack

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The last time I had this little sex, I was married.

@sista_flapjack

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If you ask me another stupid question, I'm going to kick you in your twatdangle.

@sista_flapjack

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I'm trying to figure out how many calories of alcohol I can have for my dinner.

Being an adult is hard.

@sista_flapjack

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How can my dog be stupid enough to eat his own crap, but smart enough to find his medicine when I hide it in his food?

@sista_flapjack

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In case you don't already know:

It's harder to put on a bra while driving then it is to take it off.

@sista_flapjack

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What does a naked girl in bed have to do to get breakfast around here?

Get a boyfried?

Touché, Twitter.

@sista_flapjack

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