I don't hit below the belt.

Mostly because I'm afraid I'd exhaust myself punching, trying to find your tiny dick.

I will NOT dance. You're not the bossa nova of me.

Tweet about it. That will solve everything.

It's nice when freaks find each other.

You know ANYONE can read this shit?

And they do.

Sometimes I get the feeling that people on Twitter aren't always being entirely honest about everything

Apparently it takes 21 days to break a habit. I bet I could break you in 5.

Your tweets aren’t your own: How #Twitter gets paid 140 characters at a time |http://t.co/HAHJMlc6 | #sm via @lbci_news_en

Twitter will you *marry me?

*remembers marriage track record, fakes engagement, enjoys party, jilts at altar, runs off with your best mate*

Remember that time when you subtweeted me and I quit reading your tweets?

Can I take the day off tomorrow please?

It's not the silent treatment if I have nothing left to say to you.

If I died with my pyjamas on and phone in my hand, no one would even question it.

I'm fairly certain my biggest mistake in life is my crippling fear of making mistakes.

Plagiarists, beware: the internet will find you out http://t.co/qSUtLWYq via @guardian

You would think inevitable death alone would make people nicer but nope.

as long as there are no totd's, stars or rt's involved, i believe humankind will one day accomplish world peace.

"Minutes of Mayhem" is back http://t.co/ODp8hf3S

I should probably keep my distance today, before one of you miserable cunts rubs off on me.

It takes a seriously pitiful douche bag to get a thrill bullying people online.


You might wanna see someone about that...