Shhhhh! I snuck a bunch of booze into work today.........using my stomach

Steve Jobs was in Hangover and Police Academy 5, right? #Oscars #SJS

SJS is takin' over teevee! Check out @thesoup and @loveyoumeanit on E! to see the work of 2 of SJS' founders, @kellykellevy and @sarahtiana!

"Women are just horrible monsters that feed off male attention and suck the life from you one horrible lie at a time." --Pete, #MadMen

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.......Unless you're in prison.

Obviously not impressed! http://t.co/8mUzv4rR

This Saturday at Douchey Hollywood Nightclub http://t.co/A5xlIEbV

We are looking for some fresh, new comedy talent we can twist and warp into comedy Gods and Goddesses! http://t.co/6nrM9SSv

Submit.......looking for Talent!!!! http://t.co/XjCWqctk

Do trains still have oyster bars? That needs to be a thing again. #MadMen

See, ladies: babies will ruin your lives and make you miss everything fun. On the plus side, your boobs will get huge. #MadMen

. . . Can U.S. Marshals really deputize people still? Is that still a thing? #JustifiedFX

Well, if you insist! http://t.co/IQFEQKuI

I recommend @thechrisarmy as the next #bachelor

15 years after Biggie Smalls death, the lessons from it are still true....Take 6th and avoid all that Wilshire traffic. #RIPBiggie

If you see a link trying to give you free tracks from Nickleback's new album DO NOT CLICK IT! It will give you free Nickleback tracks!

Meanwhile, in New England http://t.co/LZ91gJ7R

Hey Math! We're sick and tired of finding your "X"! Just accept the fact that she is gone and move on with your life!

"L" bombs....and "Kids"
..that definitely means "I want an "overnight" #bachelor

Thank you to @sarahtiana for also live tweeting funny stuff! She deserves an oscar! Or a shirtless guy named Oscar to clean her apartment