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Why does my fuck buddy of 2 yrs keep introducing me as her boyfriend?
what's more creepy, my neighbor taking the garbage out at 3:35 am or me looking out the window shining a flashlight under my chin?
Shhh, I'm channeling my inner mother fucker.
Based on all the metal and shit on your face I'd bet you have a pretty spooky vagina.
Remember when weed was just called weed? Now it comes donning names like Colorado Blueberry Buttfuck.
Your labia looks heavy...
my dog has destroyed more towels in 6 months than I have in my entire mastubating career.
I wear a mouth guard at my desk cause you never know when shits gonna get real.
Do leopards like people print? I'm sorry...
Just so we're clear, I'd rather dip my cock in honey and fuck a bee hive than put it in you.
To one day punch a moose in the vagina, throw glitter in the air and retreat via cartwheel - bucket list.
We live in a world where vodka soaked tampons in young men's asses is a thing.
Nothing more awkward than meeting the parents and catching the mom checking out your piece..
I'll cut the mother fucker that decided bologna should be spelled like that.
You look like you probably have a pretty firm v hole. - why I don't get laid.
Wow! With smooth talk like that you must make her vagina dryer than a stale triscuit!
Failed a drug test once, I misspelled quaalude.
Ok so honest question, cool to put it in the butt? - First date question
FYI, I have incredibly fancy testicles.
See you in your poop! - Corn