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The feeling that you've heard this shit before.
Someone, some where is happy with less than what you've got.
Someone out there is thinking how special you are and what an impact you've made on their life.......
Not me because I think you're a twat
Not everyone has an ulterior motive, some people are actually just kind.
Twitter can be what ever YOU want it to be.
It's yours so OWN it!
Fuck the playground bullies.
This is a cock sucking day with no cock sucking involved.
A married couple were lying in bed and the husband said "I'm going to make you the happiest woman alive" she replied "I'll miss you"
You deserve to be with someone whose fondest memory includes you!
Two blondes were walking down the road and 1 says to the other "look at that dog with 1 eye.
So the other covers her eye and says "where?"
Tip of the day!
Treat every problem like your dog would. If you can't eat it or fuck it.
Piss on it and walk away!
I'm starting a society for people who find it hard to ejaculate.
Don't worry if you can't come! X
No matter how dirty your past is, your future is still clean.
Signs you have grown up...
Your houseplants are all alive and you can't smoke any of them!
Alcohol doesn't make you FAT...it makes you LEAN....against tables, chairs and ugly people! Xxxx
All rumours are true, if you're stupid.
You can only fool yourself for so long, before you become the fool.
I love summer in England it's my favourite day of the year :) xxxx
How many animals can you fit in a pair of tights?
10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 pussy and lots of hares.
Re-tweet this if you know somebody is alive because...........
........you can't afford a hitman! X
I think I've just been offered to be filled with jizz, this is a good day lol ;) xxxx
It's ok for you to laugh at me because I do all the time! Life is for loving!