Been hearing a lot lately about bleaching your asshole. Do you just dump bleach over his head & keep out of his eyes or make him consume it?

Putting aluminum foil in my crotch to keep his dinner warm.

FILTH: Fathers I'd like to hump.

I wish I could put my whole fucking house in the washing machine.

The problem nowadays is that the stupid are fucking confident and the smart are insecure.

Lady came to front door & asked if I'd donate to new pool they're building for kids. I told her to hang on & came back with a glass of water

I wish I got sex as often as I get screwed.

I think opinions are a lot like orgasms. Mine will always be more important and I don't give a flying fuck if you have one.

It's not the size of the train. It's the ability of the train conductor, to remain in the station, until all the passengers get off.

Have you ever noticed that Santa brings better gifts to the kids that have rich parents?

Note to self: Self does not want anymore notes. Fuck off.

Some men have no dick in their pants because they put it all in their personality.

A vagina is warm, loving and juicy. The cunt is the one that owns it.

Life is beautiful when you distance yourself from assholes.

I'm bringing sexy back. Do I need a receipt?

Love is leaving them the fuck alone sometimes so they can think & feel on their own.

Everything happens for a reason but sometimes it just happens because you're a cunt.

Women don't fart until they get married... that's when they get an asshole.

Bed is holding me captive. Send sex.

I told my husband that my g-spot misses him... just like he always misses my g-spot.