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Just taught my dog not to bark. If only I could teach some people that with just a pat on the head & some treats, I'd be fucking set.
You know you're having a bad day if your fat pants or skinny pants become just pants.
It's like there's a production line of baby boys being made & every once in awhile, someone fucks up & forgets to put balls on one of them.
Stay close to anything that makes you happy. Stay closest to anything that makes you horny.
Just discovered that a brick of ice cream fits perfectly into a salad bowl. Fuckin' A!
Me: Nice Flip-flops
Friend: I'm wearing running shoes
Me: I was talking about your boobs
Sex, drugs and insanity may not be for everyone but they definitely work for everyone.
How to exercise:
1) Go to mall
2) Run out of money
3) Repeat daily
There's a fine line between love and hate.
Erase it and have some fun.
One more minute.....
Turning 50 on Wednesday.
Go for dinner & they throw me a surprise party .
I'm going to be 50! Geez, I could have died of a heart atttack!!
Only the good die young.....
Probably because they're bored out of their fucking wazoo.
Straightjackets required. No corners allowed. Love bouncing!
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