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Kid: I got a rock.
Adult: I got a rock hard penis.
The only time when being an adult fucking rocks.
Some people are unlucky in love but not I've been married four times and still have the same in-laws unlucky.
Halloween: That time of year when you realize pumpkins have more teeth than the people who shop at Walmart.
Men: You know she's pissed at you when she discovers a huge spider and kills it herself rather than ask you to do it.
If the shoe fits, by one in every colour. That also applies to dildos.
Definition of nymphomaniac: Hopeless romantic gone horny.
There is beauty in walking away:
1) If the person you're speaking to is butt ugly
2) If you have a nice butt. They'll appreciate it.
Best part of my day was that my panties & bra matched.
Worst part of my day was that no one saw it.
Sometimes just holding someone can dissolve their loneliness and says things that words simply can't.
I put the mother fucker "Y" (?????) in reality.
When I have a secret that I promised not to repeat......
I tell my dog & husband.
My dog can't talk & my husband won't hear a word I say.
Sometimes I'm afraid that I might miss them, so just in case, I keep them in the basement for 30 days before burying them.
Casual sex altogether separate can be a beautiful letdown. Keep your eyes wide shut & you'll find a fatal attraction with a friendly enemy.
Don't address your boss as, Dick, especially when his name is Brandon.
Brown nosing is difficult.
My work day feels like a hostage situation and no one is coming up with the fucking ransom.
Straightjackets required. No corners allowed. Love bouncing!