Just lost Monopoly to someone who still counts the dice dots out loud on his fingers.

Girl Scout Cookies for breakfast because I enjoy a theme. #FatTuesday

My child just walked through the kitchen whispering, "Chupacabra, chupacabra, chupacabra..." I'm locking the backdoor.

RT @sween: Forget wizards &dragons the most unbelievable thing about Harry Potter is that someone actually finished a novel in a coffee shop

Canceled therapy to make hair appointment. Eating pudding, watching Tivo'd Modern Family and crying. #TweetsFromPMS

More cat tweets. I keep telling her to use the ipad but noooooooo.

At Disneyland. Tempted to scream, "Jaden!" just to see how many kids come running.

Have nothing wrapped. Perhaps on Sunday morning we'll play a game called Go In the Garage and Guess Which Amazon Box Is Yours.

I prefer to think of it less as a "sports bra" and more as a "back-fat enhancer."

My kid: "Those Victoria's Secret commercial ladies aren't wearing that much stuff."

Remember when it was 106°F right now? That was fun.

Just unsubscribed from the 18 simplicity blogs I was following.

The Man Who Loved Cat Power #worstwesternsever

My kid calls SYTYCD the "Cool Moves Show." He just did some of his own cool moves, then inadvertently peed on the floor. #FutureInModern

"So Mom, remember when I used to pee in the backyard all the time?" "Um.... no."

Just explained something to my kid with this: "It's all part of having a butt." Is it my bedtime yet?

"What the hell? What the hell?!" = What my kid was screaming as he ran thru the park just now. #NiceWorkMom

My husband sang the Hanukkah blessing. Our 4-year-old responded by singing the Star Wars theme. God smiled.

Coffee and Wellbutrin! Breakfast of Champions! *walks away limping, trailing used Kleenex*

Just decided that the Crocs will look better with what I'm wearing. So, that's how my day's going.