@smartasshat's (ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs) most favourited tweets

@smartasshat

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@smartasshat's (ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs) most faved Tweets...

FUCK! I'm still writing Year of the Ox on my checks.

@smartasshat

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Whenever I see a guy riding a quiet motorcycle, I think:

"There goes a guy with a big penis."

@smartasshat

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In Avatar, they mine Unobtainium. Only because they can't get to the Outofreachium, and all the Inconvenientum has been exploited already.

@smartasshat

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I hate when pets die. So I'm getting a giant tortoise. Let him fucking cry when *I* die.

@smartasshat

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WHOA WHOA WHOA!! Watch where you're pointing that Prius!

@smartasshat

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My girlfriend and I are fighting. Tonight we're going to 96.

@smartasshat

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Sometimes I wonder why the Frisbee is getting bigger, and then it hits me.

@smartasshat

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I'm kind of amazed that everyone on Mythbusters still has eyebrows.

@smartasshat

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Jermaine Jackson named his son "Jermajesty".

While he was at it, he should have named himself "Jercough".

@smartasshat

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If you liked it, you should have put a digital converter box on it.

@smartasshat

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The reason you ladies don't like to fuck men with small dicks: He's just not that far into you.

@smartasshat

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I was with a girl once who had a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh. When I put my ear against it, I could smell the ocean.

@smartasshat

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When you changed tenses mid-sentence, the terrorists will win.

@smartasshat

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I once drew a man in ink just to watch him dry.

@smartasshat

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Not to brag, but I've been sporting weaponized underpants for years.

@smartasshat

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*Obesity Rates Hit Plateau in US*

It finally happened. Americans are too fat to get up and eat more.

@smartasshat

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Ugh. I hope this isn't Ebola. I do NOT have time to bleed from my eyes today.

@smartasshat

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I ONCE SHORTED A ROBOT IN RENO JUST TO WATCH HIS BATTERY DIE.

@smartasshat

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Marriage is like a bath. Once you get used to it, it ain't so hot.

@smartasshat

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Nuns defecate out of habit.

@smartasshat

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