@smashedpotatoes' (Dispensable Specula) most faved Tweets...
If you had a million monkeys typing on a million typewriters eventually you'd have...
Oh wait, that's us.
Oh wait, that's us.
I don't think most guys would mind if a woman chewed him up and then spit him out. As long as there was some sucking along the way.
In the army, stars are used for ranks. On Twitter, stars are used to show someone you liked their dick joke.
Star this.
Star this.
Sometimes when I post a really funny tweet, I throw my iPhone on my bed like a football player celebrating a touchdown.
Ok, always.
Ok, always.
What the hell do I need pants for? I'm not a priest. Same goes for panties. I'm not a nun.
What do you mean "Stop tweeting in church?"
What do you mean "Stop tweeting in church?"
I despise the thought of women wrestling in jello. Mud is so much more green and that's important nowadays.
Do you know how weird it is to make out with a hobo?
There are rarely any cardboard boxes made for two.
There are rarely any cardboard boxes made for two.
Sis: "Can you put something better on?"
Me: "Better?"
Brother-in-law: "Better than Spongebob?!"
*Me and brother-in-law high five*
Me: "Better?"
Brother-in-law: "Better than Spongebob?!"
*Me and brother-in-law high five*
Fell asleep watching the Dick Van Dyke Show, woke up watching the Mary Tyler Moore Show. I thought Laura Petrie was having an affair.
Oral B has a new rechargable toothbrush. It costs 22 dollars, which isn't bad for an automatic toothbrush/vibrator.
Staying for a parent meeting for my nephews pre-k class. I made a kid cry and I've been here five minutes.
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