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There is something so calming about secondhand smoke. Glade should make a candle
too many musicians have died this year. we need to get david bowie into protective custody.
If Left Eye from TLC and Lady Gaga had a secret dumpster baby, it'd be Nicki Minaj
if i die young, i hope i have at least 2 hours notice. because i'd need to burn my phone and laptop.
"Mom, this song is about intercourse." Intercourse? Who bought this kid a dictionary?
"mom, can you look up alvin and the chipmunks singing soulja boy?" this child is trying to kill me.
My son just told me, "You're a very pretty old lady." He's grounded for life and getting a pony.
The new Twilight movie is almost out! I can hardly wait to not watch this one, too!
just accidentally swallowed a date pit. if I drop dead, don't let them play green day at my funeral
popcorn, toast and jellybeans sound WAY better than a gross-ass turkey. charlie brown's friends are assholes
Your mom is so stupid, she worked at the m&m factory and threw away all the w&ws
I'll show you my wits if you show me yours. (auto dm = auto unfollow)
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