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yo mama is so fat she downloads cheats for wii fit
don't have phone sex. it leads to hearing aids.
There is something so calming about secondhand smoke. Glade should make a candle
"now kids, what do you say when you meet a nice man?" "ARE YOU MY DADDY??"
too many musicians have died this year. we need to get david bowie into protective custody.
If Left Eye from TLC and Lady Gaga had a secret dumpster baby, it'd be Nicki Minaj
if i die young, i hope i have at least 2 hours notice. because i'd need to burn my phone and laptop.
This woman on Cops broke into her ex's house and pooped on the floor. Wow.
Everybody funny. Now you funny too.
"Mom, this song is about intercourse." Intercourse? Who bought this kid a dictionary?
"mom, can you look up alvin and the chipmunks singing soulja boy?" this child is trying to kill me.
That's enough, Madonna. That's enough.
Breaking news: Some people still have pubes. I'll be damned...
My son just told me, "You're a very pretty old lady." He's grounded for life and getting a pony.
The new Twilight movie is almost out! I can hardly wait to not watch this one, too!
just accidentally swallowed a date pit. if I drop dead, don't let them play green day at my funeral
i'm still freezing. this SUCKS. (yes mom, i put on a sweater)
popcorn, toast and jellybeans sound WAY better than a gross-ass turkey. charlie brown's friends are assholes
SIX dollar atm fee?! holy fucking buttfuck
Your mom is so stupid, she worked at the m&m factory and threw away all the w&ws
I'll show you my wits if you show me yours. (auto dm = auto unfollow)