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  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Laughter is the soap...for all the crap life throws at you.

    • 434
    • FAVS
    HeartInHarmonyErroneous404RightOJackYour_Boy_Dylanblitzrojon_aleyjwalkonthemoonSassymac01
    • 248
    • RETWEETS
    Erroneous404RightOJackblitzroomwansirSassymac01FunnySeanComedyTRUPATSFAN75Miniwheats2012
    Tinkerbell_chopper4jkDi_Anonymously____
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Since the divorce, the only pick-up line I can think of is, “Would you consider yourself a litigious person?”

    • 485
    • FAVS
    valzhoganErroneous404RightOJackjwalkonthemoondbgindySassymac01angelafaggetLakelandr
    • 177
    • RETWEETS
    Erroneous404RightOJackrahafalshreefbluefeathers7AngelaThom1Miniwheats2012mamazanderHuajatollaChic
    CroweJamShazzaLMSupportPets_calvoquinn
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Laughter between lovers is the best foreplay.

    • 413
    • FAVS
    all_about_todayErroneous404HeartInHarmonyRightOJacksabakhanWodiliewodejon_aleyjwalkonthemoon
    • 223
    • RETWEETS
    ArwinWarriornotyourpapaall_about_todayErroneous404RightOJackMimi_mlleMasterOfFuryMiniwheats2012
    SupportPets_Di_Anonymously____
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    If my GF gets any crankier, I may be forced to light that fuse on her tampon.

    • 232
    • FAVS
    Erroneous404RightOJacksabakhanjwalkonthemoonMiniwheats2012AppleFalconiokcMcCowgirlkathybotteas
    • 91
    • RETWEETS
    Erroneous404RightOJackMasterOfFuryScoundrelSwagBoud0429____TheBeerGuy73TaliaBibas______3fi3dl3r
    TorriableMr_goose007
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c'mon...even I've done THAT!"

    • 213
    • FAVS
    dbgindyAskennettbonsmiAlexs_bbygurlpreppydesire13PunmastahadanzqueenFazio_N
    • 87
    • RETWEETS
    bonsmicanadasandraall_about_todaySeattleGrumpMasterOfFuryJillFenderTINY_TOESIES______Boud0429____
    WhosTheresazgbetty
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    When I can't think of anything to write, I tend to just copy off of the Asian guy tweeting in front of me

    • 201
    • FAVS
    jwalkonthemoonkcMcCowgirlkDuncanGmaymay72xKarmasApprentissempercyndiMerpsAndDerpscanadian_jane____
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    ppattersonjaxVinderosClubshot_of_caboKimberlyABettesSean_Burgundy_tweeterreader36Wakenbake77nattylumpo88
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    I dream now of Avi`s, not RL women, & I'm grateful for it. An epiphany of sorts to finally realize the sexiest part of a woman is her words

    • 200
    • FAVS
    jwalkonthemoonAppleFalconiokcMcCowgirlsilent_musingssum_fkn_cuntRebeccasezToxicProbablyWine_Plz
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    sum_fkn_cuntWine_PlzSchereeyalife_suckerall_about_todaySharaORyanRuns_WildTlaxBoy05
    GHCanada__________Wussawilla________
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    In these lean times, instead of buying a GPS...I hired a homeless guy with a map to sit in the back-seat.

    • 171
    • FAVS
    MasterOfFuryjwalkonthemoonkcMcCowgirlitszizuarizonajunkgirlEJPatterson_95kellymyers111LVDAWG11
    • 38
    • RETWEETS
    MasterOfFuryjwalkonthemoonImChaunceLVDAWG11UghSpareMeSadAndDrunkWendiwolfWakenbake77
    piplipsSupportPets_
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Still getting used to this Twitter thing. Didn't mean to sign up for this...I was just trying to order sea monkeys.

    • 154
    • FAVS
    MasterOfFuryjwalkonthemoonDamian_Quinn666cookiesnweedDelanieFischercherryminxjinkeesarcasm_inc
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    jwalkonthemoonThatLovePotioncherryminxjinkeeHuajatollaChicAppleFalconioTINY_TOESIES______waynebratton1
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Clearly (& happily) suffering from what I call the "Twitter Effect," when I realized I now admire women more for their wits, than their tits

    • 136
    • FAVS
    MasterOfFuryAppleFalconiokcMcCowgirlcrston7TheBeerGuy73TINY_TOESIES______life_suckerAngelaEhh
    • 43
    • RETWEETS
    MasterOfFuryAlexCarlsbadkollinsayzGingerGanderSaraESpiveyrachelb1281MykeLeTaurisClassy_Cassy89____
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    I hate it when I catch my neighbor peering at me through the window...especially when I thought I was so well hidden in the bushes.

    • 133
    • FAVS
    MasterOfFuryjwalkonthemoonAppleFalconioecahZamorakenyannouskazonnuraKimberlyPawjayroolz
    • 40
    • RETWEETS
    DoreeOhhhhashrut13CameronMcLarenchiefofmagnaWakenbake77blundell_sarah1cynicalbitchBasstardy
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    I can only guess that whoever said, ''If you love something, set it free...'' lived a lonely life. If you love someone, fight to keep them.

    • 112
    • FAVS
    MasterOfFuryjwalkonthemoonAppleFalconiodmutatisweet_pea707Mystical069MellyRockOwlAniqahJamal
    • 56
    • RETWEETS
    dmutatiShotteeM____MissCheezefallenfrompramsCaliKid101MissRUddinHabzyMaleySuleyTheChickenEater
    Di_Anonymously____
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    My Twitter crush drove 30 hrs for us to be together.A friend is crossing an ocean for her Twitter love. Twitter's pimp hand is international

    • 103
    • FAVS
    MasterOfFurycookiesnweedRRSherwinCrissyFlorenciaKate_HappyLipLush1crston7ALF_from_TV
    • 39
    • RETWEETS
    LipLush1AppleFalconioDawn_M_omgrab____________SaraESpiveyCM2BTTHDfivestargirl503Favstar500Favs
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Whatever doesn't kill you, makes...me re-strategize

    • 102
    • FAVS
    dyspyraMasterOfFuryLilMwanadmutatiBooFricketyHoo_freebird99_MitziGreyamoorela
    • 30
    • RETWEETS
    Richard_KeepMasterOfFurythepelosadmutatinumba1bat_freebird99_LizPrevenasCaniacMONK
    JustCallMeFrank
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    I couldn't count the number of times the “mood” has been ruined by my dates asking, “Shouldn’t you put some ointment on that?”

    • 111
    • FAVS
    MasterOfFuryAppleFalconioTheBeerGuy73TINY_TOESIES______life_suckercrston7vodkachromeDavisEltweeto
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    SaraESpiveyrachelb1281favstar1000favsbrownpoopypantsjasonlight73robyn_voFavstar500FavsDi_Anonymously____
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    As I stand here alone in the cold,in the dead of night,looking up at the stars,I ask myself the age old question..why am I not getting laid?

    • 90
    • FAVS
    MasterOfFurycrston7squirrel74wkgnTheBeerGuy73life_suckerSaraESpiveyrachelb1281warhorse76
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    omgrab____________SaraESpiveyrachelb1281DickHerterWorptWords________wheresmystarr__Bathing_in_Sin____Di_Anonymously____
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    No joke: spent entire day alone, watching “Sleepless In Seattle“, “P.S. I Love You” and “Love Actually”…my penis has fully retracted.

    • 100
    • FAVS
    shylah01MasterOfFuryjwalkonthemoonWine_PlzTheBeerGuy73TINY_TOESIES______life_suckerDavisEltweeto
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    omgrab____________SaraESpiveyrachelb1281PhilLaysheOjasonlight73Favstar_NSFWpiplipsaugustharvest
    SupportPets_
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    I guess my marriage was destined to fail...the night of our engagement, I also proposed to her sister, her Dad and a bottle of Jack Daniels

    • 92
    • FAVS
    MasterOfFuryTheBeerGuy73TINY_TOESIES______sociablemonkeyHumor_Fetishlife_suckercrston7TherrysB
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    life_suckervodkachromeomgrab____________SaraESpiveyrachelb1281Fallun_AngelSolelyBstephaniesword0
    calvoquinn
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Off to have sex...so you know, back in 3 minutes. Well, maybe 4...she might ask me to open a new pack of batteries before I leave *sigh*

    • 81
    • FAVS
    squirrel74wkgnTheBeerGuy73TINY_TOESIES______life_suckervodkachromeImaFlyontheWallxtrodinarylifeSaddestFinger
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    SaraESpiveyrachelb1281brownpoopypantsoldmanwntrmzkellyeagle__RitiFavstar_NSFWParaJanitor
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    After that kind of weekend, I think it’s safe to say that Wayne Gretzky was to hockey, what I am to not getting laid.

    • 80
    • FAVS
    kDuncanGTheBeerGuy73life_suckercrston7ImaFlyontheWallSaddestFingerJCoctostanrachelb1281
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    JCoctostandkkauweSaraESpiveyFavstar500FavsGinlickerhipchkkDi_Anonymously____Wussawilla________
@smirkykev

@smirkykev

My daughter's father. Laughter is the soap for all the crap life throws at you.