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  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Laughter is the soap...for all the crap life throws at you.

    • 435
    • FAVS
    undonestarHeartInHarmonyErroneous404RightOJackYour_Boy_Dylanblitzrojon_aleyjwalkonthemoon
    • 248
    • RETWEETS
    Erroneous404RightOJackblitzroomwansirSassymac01FunnySeanComedyTRUPATSFAN75Miniwheats2012
    Tinkerbell_chopper4jkDi_Anonymously____
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Since the divorce, the only pick-up line I can think of is, “Would you consider yourself a litigious person?”

    • 487
    • FAVS
    alienegoundonestarvalzhoganErroneous404RightOJackjwalkonthemoondbgindySassymac01
    • 178
    • RETWEETS
    alienegoErroneous404RightOJackrahafalshreefbluefeathers7AngelaThom1Miniwheats2012mamazander
    LakeoconeebldrCroweJamShazzaLMSupportPets_calvoquinn
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Laughter between lovers is the best foreplay.

    • 413
    • FAVS
    all_about_todayErroneous404HeartInHarmonyRightOJacksabakhanWodiliewodejon_aleyjwalkonthemoon
    • 223
    • RETWEETS
    ArwinWarriornotyourpapaall_about_todayErroneous404RightOJackMimi_mlleMasterOfFuryMiniwheats2012
    SupportPets_Di_Anonymously____
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    If my GF gets any crankier, I may be forced to light that fuse on her tampon.

    • 232
    • FAVS
    Erroneous404RightOJacksabakhanjwalkonthemoonMiniwheats2012AppleFalconiokcMcCowgirlkathybotteas
    • 91
    • RETWEETS
    Erroneous404RightOJackMasterOfFuryScoundrelSwagBoud0429____TheBeerGuy73TaliaBibas________3fi3dl3r
    TorriableMr_goose007
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c'mon...even I've done THAT!"

    • 217
    • FAVS
    CubanaMama82P8NT4Rtom13luck6ginger_xtcdbgindyAskennettbonsmiAlexs_bbygurl
    • 89
    • RETWEETS
    Lakeoconeebldrginger_xtcbonsmicanadasandraall_about_todaySeattleGrumpMasterOfFuryJillFender
    WhosTheresazgbetty
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    When I can't think of anything to write, I tend to just copy off of the Asian guy tweeting in front of me

    • 202
    • FAVS
    ginger_xtcjwalkonthemoonkcMcCowgirlkDuncanGmaymay72xKarmasApprentissempercyndiMerpsAndDerps
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    ppattersonjaxVinderosClubshot_of_caboKimberlyABettesSean_Burgundy_tweeterreader36Wakenbake77nattylumpo88
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    I dream now of Avi`s, not RL women, & I'm grateful for it. An epiphany of sorts to finally realize the sexiest part of a woman is her words

    • 201
    • FAVS
    ginger_xtcjwalkonthemoonAppleFalconiokcMcCowgirlsilent_musingssum_fkn_cuntRebeccasezToxicProbably
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    sum_fkn_cuntWine_PlzSchereeyalife_suckerall_about_todaySharaORyanRuns_WildTlaxBoy05
    GHCanada__________Wussawilla________
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    In these lean times, instead of buying a GPS...I hired a homeless guy with a map to sit in the back-seat.

    • 171
    • FAVS
    MasterOfFuryjwalkonthemoonkcMcCowgirlitszizuarizonajunkgirlEJPatterson_95kellymyers111LVDAWG11
    • 38
    • RETWEETS
    MasterOfFuryjwalkonthemoonImChaunceLVDAWG11UghSpareMeSadAndDrunkWendiwolfWakenbake77
    piplipsSupportPets_
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Still getting used to this Twitter thing. Didn't mean to sign up for this...I was just trying to order sea monkeys.

    • 155
    • FAVS
    ginger_xtcMasterOfFuryjwalkonthemoonDamian_Quinn666cookiesnweedDelanieFischercherryminxjinkee
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    jwalkonthemoonThatLovePotioncherryminxjinkeeHuajatollaChicAppleFalconioTINY_TOESIES______waynebratton1
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Clearly (& happily) suffering from what I call the "Twitter Effect," when I realized I now admire women more for their wits, than their tits

    • 136
    • FAVS
    MasterOfFuryAppleFalconiokcMcCowgirlcrston7TheBeerGuy73TINY_TOESIES______life_suckerAngelaEhh
    • 43
    • RETWEETS
    MasterOfFuryAlexCarlsbadkollinsayzGingerGanderSaraESpiveyrachelb1281MykeLeTaurisClassy_Cassy89____
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    I hate it when I catch my neighbor peering at me through the window...especially when I thought I was so well hidden in the bushes.

    • 134
    • FAVS
    ginger_xtcMasterOfFuryjwalkonthemoonAppleFalconioecahZamorakenyannouskazonnuraKimberlyPaw
    • 40
    • RETWEETS
    DoreeOhhhhashrut13CameronMcLarenchiefofmagnaWakenbake77blundell_sarah1cynicalbitchBasstardy
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    I can only guess that whoever said, ''If you love something, set it free...'' lived a lonely life. If you love someone, fight to keep them.

    • 115
    • FAVS
    _MrsBlueBird_SugarScullyginger_xtcMasterOfFuryjwalkonthemoonAppleFalconiodmutatisweet_pea707
    • 57
    • RETWEETS
    ginger_xtcdmutatiShotteeM____MissCheezefallenfrompramsCaliKid101MissRUddinHabzyMaleySuley
    Di_Anonymously____
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    My Twitter crush drove 30 hrs for us to be together.A friend is crossing an ocean for her Twitter love. Twitter's pimp hand is international

    • 104
    • FAVS
    ginger_xtcMasterOfFurycookiesnweedRRSherwinCrissyFlorenciaKate_HappyLipLush1crston7
    • 39
    • RETWEETS
    LipLush1AppleFalconioDawn_M_omgrab____________SaraESpiveyCM2BTTHDfivestargirl503Favstar500Favs
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Whatever doesn't kill you, makes...me re-strategize

    • 103
    • FAVS
    ginger_xtcdyspyraMasterOfFuryLilMwanadmutatiBooFricketyHoo_freebird99_MitziGrey
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    ModerateBenderginger_xtcRichard_KeepMasterOfFurythepelosadmutatinumba1bat_freebird99_
    JustCallMeFrank
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    I couldn't count the number of times the “mood” has been ruined by my dates asking, “Shouldn’t you put some ointment on that?”

    • 111
    • FAVS
    MasterOfFuryAppleFalconioTheBeerGuy73TINY_TOESIES______life_suckercrston7vodkachromeDavisEltweeto
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    SaraESpiveyrachelb1281favstar1000favsbrownpoopypantsjasonlight73robyn_voFavstar500FavsDi_Anonymously____
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    As I stand here alone in the cold,in the dead of night,looking up at the stars,I ask myself the age old question..why am I not getting laid?

    • 90
    • FAVS
    MasterOfFurycrston7squirrel74wkgnTheBeerGuy73life_suckerSaraESpiveyrachelb1281warhorse76
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    omgrab____________SaraESpiveyrachelb1281DickHerterWorptWords________wheresmystarr____Bathing_in_Sin____Di_Anonymously____
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    No joke: spent entire day alone, watching “Sleepless In Seattle“, “P.S. I Love You” and “Love Actually”…my penis has fully retracted.

    • 102
    • FAVS
    craiguitoginger_xtcshylah01MasterOfFuryjwalkonthemoonWine_PlzTheBeerGuy73TINY_TOESIES______
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    ginger_xtcomgrab____________SaraESpiveyrachelb1281PhilLaysheOjasonlight73Favstar_NSFWpiplips
    SupportPets_
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    I guess my marriage was destined to fail...the night of our engagement, I also proposed to her sister, her Dad and a bottle of Jack Daniels

    • 93
    • FAVS
    ginger_xtcMasterOfFuryTheBeerGuy73TINY_TOESIES______sociablemonkeyHumor_Fetishlife_suckercrston7
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    life_suckervodkachromeomgrab____________SaraESpiveyrachelb1281Fallun_AngelSolelyBstephaniesword0
    calvoquinn
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Off to have sex...so you know, back in 3 minutes. Well, maybe 4...she might ask me to open a new pack of batteries before I leave *sigh*

    • 86
    • FAVS
    jayjitvyasrndhouseMmMarkm75Dustin_199ginger_xtcsquirrel74wkgnTheBeerGuy73TINY_TOESIES______
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    ginger_xtcSaraESpiveyrachelb1281brownpoopypantsoldmanwntrmzkellyeagle__RitiFavstar_NSFW
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    After that kind of weekend, I think it’s safe to say that Wayne Gretzky was to hockey, what I am to not getting laid.

    • 80
    • FAVS
    kDuncanGTheBeerGuy73life_suckercrston7ImaFlyontheWallSaddestFingerJCoctostanrachelb1281
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    JCoctostandkkauweSaraESpiveyFavstar500FavsGinlickerhipchkkDi_Anonymously____Wussawilla________
@smirkykev

@smirkykev

My daughter's father. Laughter is the soap for all the crap life throws at you.