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  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Laughter is the soap...for all the crap life throws at you.

    • 583
    • FAVS
    rustielynnanerdonfireDearAbbySimonmarkste71128147ColleenOdwyerjn3poLeagueofNopeGstringGail
    • 356
    • RETWEETS
    anerdonfirejn3poLeagueofNopeWhiskey_NelsonAllyBallyBealmo31869sarcasticmommy4Elephart
    llvvzzhoneybadgerMelTinkerbell_chopper4jkDi_Anonymously____
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Since the divorce, the only pick-up line I can think of is, “Would you consider yourself a litigious person?”

    • 586
    • FAVS
    allielectricHitGirl516honeybadgerMelcozbelligerentdrdbgxnailbunnyxanerdonfiremarkste71128147
    • 223
    • RETWEETS
    honeybadgerMelanerdonfireButlercommaJjn3poLeagueofNope_kamugisha_sarcasticmommy4BareChesty
    BwanaChrisLakeoconeebldr____CroweJamShazzaLMSupportPets_calvoquinn
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Laughter between lovers is the best foreplay.

    • 458
    • FAVS
    AskAuntieEm1LeagueofNopeAllyBallyBeallucy_nyholm123omnispoyagizmuratuysalnetdog713fuzzlime
    • 254
    • RETWEETS
    AskAuntieEm1LeagueofNopelucy_nyholm123txdivawannabenetdog713DessPerrofuzzlimeabycat3
    SupportPets_Di_Anonymously____
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c'mon...even I've done THAT!"

    • 288
    • FAVS
    DearAbbySimonT7_S4_LMills_rmoultoncapitalGensPlacehoneybadgerMelMorganlizbeth81FredPollack
    • 128
    • RETWEETS
    DaphneLettermanrmoultoncapitalGensPlacehoneybadgerMelMorganlizbeth81ButlercommaJOhighIsisskullpuppy11
    fixyourcompassWhosTheresazgbetty
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    If my GF gets any crankier, I may be forced to light that fuse on her tampon.

    • 267
    • FAVS
    DearAbbySimonMorganlizbeth81ButlercommaJLeagueofNopeAllyBallyBealfuzzlimeTinkerbell_BlondAmbitionTO
    • 107
    • RETWEETS
    Morganlizbeth81LeagueofNopeALadiesHeartblaha_Whobenittto8iyaelsoraiFavstar250TreacleVerity
    SilleVioTorriableMr_goose007
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    When I can't think of anything to write, I tend to just copy off of the Asian guy tweeting in front of me

    • 259
    • FAVS
    _jennjennBrigidSkySmartassylassyAnonysub_theigirlThe_Only_Kuntiredpawn3kv8
    • 83
    • RETWEETS
    Anonysub_theigirlbenittto6Favstar250LerkyToken_GeezermotrboatrLeagueofNope
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    I dream now of Avi`s, not RL women, & I'm grateful for it. An epiphany of sorts to finally realize the sexiest part of a woman is her words

    • 222
    • FAVS
    LackOfShameShaeAaronLeagueofNopeAllyBallyBealfuzzlimeparupaajfletchworld73leikub__
    • 59
    • RETWEETS
    LeagueofNopeSeemiSadiaALadiesHeartJimmerThatisAllEuphonicMusingsPhantasticFruitBwanaChrissuzebittersweet
    GHCanada__________Wussawilla________
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Still getting used to this Twitter thing. Didn't mean to sign up for this...I was just trying to order sea monkeys.

    • 202
    • FAVS
    LackOfShameLeagueofNopeAllyBallyBealfuzzlimeTinkerbell_SSparklesDailyleikub__Cheeseboy22
    • 69
    • RETWEETS
    LeagueofNopeAllyBallyBealfuzzlimeKauaibrideMichaelF317amycook1939TlaxBoy05GinGander
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    In these lean times, instead of buying a GPS...I hired a homeless guy with a map to sit in the back-seat.

    • 194
    • FAVS
    Morganlizbeth81LackOfShameLeagueofNopeAllyBallyBealfuzzlimeRasbanda_ManololizzurdBlondAmbitionTO
    • 48
    • RETWEETS
    Morganlizbeth81LeagueofNopeRasbanda_ManoloBlondAmbitionTOTlaxBoy05Peach_Tea58HpHubertALadiesHeart
    piplipsSupportPets_
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    I hate it when I catch my neighbor peering at me through the window...especially when I thought I was so well hidden in the bushes.

    • 159
    • FAVS
    Morganlizbeth81clintgilLeagueofNopeAllyBallyBealparupaajfletchworld73Cheeseboy22TlaxBoy05
    • 50
    • RETWEETS
    Morganlizbeth81LeagueofNopeKauaibrideTlaxBoy05mellimellecristicremesethswaggertyJimmerThatisAll
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Clearly (& happily) suffering from what I call the "Twitter Effect," when I realized I now admire women more for their wits, than their tits

    • 152
    • FAVS
    DearAbbySimonMorganlizbeth81ShaeAaronLeagueofNopeAllyBallyBealfuzzlimeSSparklesDailyfletchworld73
    • 45
    • RETWEETS
    LeagueofNopeblaha_WhoMasterOfFuryAlexCarlsbadkollinsayzGingerGanderSaraESpiveyrachelb1281
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    I can only guess that whoever said, ''If you love something, set it free...'' lived a lonely life. If you love someone, fight to keep them.

    • 125
    • FAVS
    Morganlizbeth81ShaeAaronhelltotheyayaLeagueofNopeAllyBallyBealfuzzlimeparupaajbreatheandlove
    • 60
    • RETWEETS
    Morganlizbeth81junetegonhelltotheyayaTheManicMediumLeagueofNopefuzzlimeginger_xtc__dmutati
    Di_Anonymously____
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    My Twitter crush drove 30 hrs for us to be together.A friend is crossing an ocean for her Twitter love. Twitter's pimp hand is international

    • 125
    • FAVS
    silent_musings_Ms_Moneypenny_KnowsNuthinMorganlizbeth81LeagueofNopeAllyBallyBealkriistol1fuzzlime
    • 48
    • RETWEETS
    LunkenDrushKnowsNuthinMorganlizbeth81LeagueofNopekriistol1MasterOfFuryiBLOOdyNONSENSEsweetcakesbelle
    Tinkerbell_
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Whatever doesn't kill you, makes...me re-strategize

    • 115
    • FAVS
    Morganlizbeth81drnkshakespeareLeagueofNopeAllyBallyBealbreatheandloveLisaMcAlister1__TheAlexNevil_msnemo
    • 39
    • RETWEETS
    Morganlizbeth81drnkshakespeareLeagueofNopeJurassicPattTheAlexNevillegrant101SapphireBelModerateBender
    JustCallMeFrank
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    I couldn't count the number of times the “mood” has been ruined by my dates asking, “Shouldn’t you put some ointment on that?”

    • 118
    • FAVS
    LeagueofNopeAllyBallyBealleikub__breatheandloveblaha_WhofixyourcompassSapphireBelMasterOfFury
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    LeagueofNopeblaha_WhoSaraESpiveyrachelb1281favstar1000favsbrownpoopypantsjasonlight73robyn_vo
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    I guess my marriage was destined to fail...the night of our engagement, I also proposed to her sister, her Dad and a bottle of Jack Daniels

    • 103
    • FAVS
    Morganlizbeth81sassybritches5LeagueofNopeAllyBallyBealfoxrompsTheRealRHBfuzzlimebreatheandlove
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    LeagueofNopefuzzlimelife_suckervodkachrome__omgrab____________SaraESpiveyrachelb1281Fallun_Angel__
    calvoquinn
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Off to have sex...so you know, back in 3 minutes. Well, maybe 4...she might ask me to open a new pack of batteries before I leave *sigh*

    • 103
    • FAVS
    Morganlizbeth81sassybritches5jidu1980LeagueofNopeAllyBallyBealleikub__breatheandloveKause187
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    LeagueofNopeginger_xtc__SaraESpiveyrachelb1281brownpoopypantsoldmanwntrmzkellyeagle__Riti
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    No joke: spent entire day alone, watching “Sleepless In Seattle“, “P.S. I Love You” and “Love Actually”…my penis has fully retracted.

    • 109
    • FAVS
    Morganlizbeth81sassybritches5Reddit_SeattleLeagueofNopeAllyBallyBealbreatheandloveSapphireBelcraiguito
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    LeagueofNopeginger_xtc__omgrab____________SaraESpiveyrachelb1281PhilLaysheOjasonlight73Favstar_NSFW
    SupportPets_
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    As I stand here alone in the cold,in the dead of night,looking up at the stars,I ask myself the age old question..why am I not getting laid?

    • 96
    • FAVS
    Morganlizbeth81LeagueofNopeAllyBallyBealbreatheandlovefixyourcompassSapphireBelMasterOfFurycrston8
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    LeagueofNopeomgrab____________SaraESpiveyrachelb1281DickHerterWorptWords________wheresmystarr____Bathing_in_Sin____
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Assumption is nine-tenths of the flaw.

    • 68
    • FAVS
    TJoConsLeagueofNopeAllyBallyBealroostershankTinkerbell_TBCITDG77Ravenpixiwhyneandcheez
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    LeagueofNopeAllyBallyBealAPogoreskiGiverney666wantyoutoo14TBCITDG77Ireland_BeckonsRavenpixi
@smirkykev

@smirkykev

My daughter's father. Laughter is the soap for all the crap life throws at you.