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  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Gift @smirkykev Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 627
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    SteveDutzynorthern_dchs78melodicmadedougbiesTheSheonixWhatWeDoMattersbrownskin_4everZeL_foxyladi84
    • 397
    • RETWEETS
    joanbushurdevineceltWhatWeDoMattersbrownskin_4everZeL_foxyladi841mtnsolacehalfmarathonmelHiJCP
    llvvzzhoneybadgerMelTinksEyeViewchopper4jkDi_Anonymously____
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Since the divorce, the only pick-up line I can think of is, “Would you consider yourself a litigious person?”

    • 615
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    WhatWeDoMattersDarlingLyn88wimzikalgsu9696opinyinz__AimeeHelene1DecantAndPourmomofguppies
    • 246
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    BwanaChrisLakeoconeebldr____CroweJamShazzaLMSupportPets_calvoquinn__
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Laughter between lovers is the best foreplay.

    • 493
    • LIKES
    TheSheonixGypsyMarkDesignAimeeHelene1KelseyYaggiMentalDV8HopeElliott1katieloves_youwiltedwild
    • 278
    • RETWEETS
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    SupportPets_Di_Anonymously____
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c'mon...even I've done THAT!"

    • 313
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    • 153
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    fixyourcompassWhosTheresazgbetty
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    If my GF gets any crankier, I may be forced to light that fuse on her tampon.

    • 290
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    dankashane20YouSaidItAtWorkGypsyMarkDesignBlindDefSlimAimeeHelene1KBChicken75hippocroteezDONTJIMMYMEJULZ
    • 121
    • RETWEETS
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    SilleVioTorriableMr_goose007
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    When I can't think of anything to write, I tend to just copy off of the Asian guy tweeting in front of me

    • 272
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    AimeeHelene1DONTJIMMYMEJULZBlondAmbitionTOsweetg35Maui_SpeakskwirkyKerrix_xaimafirme_latina
    • 88
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  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    I dream now of Avi`s, not RL women, & I'm grateful for it. An epiphany of sorts to finally realize the sexiest part of a woman is her words

    • 234
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    AimeeHelene1hippocroteezDONTJIMMYMEJULZBlondAmbitionTOkwirkyKerrix_xaimakennethwabiriaroxaroodw
    • 69
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    GHCanada__________Wussawilla________
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Still getting used to this Twitter thing. Didn't mean to sign up for this...I was just trying to order sea monkeys.

    • 217
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    GypsyMarkDesignAimeeHelene1hippocroteezDONTJIMMYMEJULZBlondAmbitionTOCyd10eKirstensDeskMaui_Speaks
    • 77
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  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    I hate it when I catch my neighbor peering at me through the window...especially when I thought I was so well hidden in the bushes.

    • 191
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    WhatWeDoMattersZeL_foxyladi84Jennawhatnowdankashane20GypsyMarkDesignSub_ArielBlindDefSlimAimeeHelene1
    • 73
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  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    In these lean times, instead of buying a GPS...I hired a homeless guy with a map to sit in the back-seat.

    • 205
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    lulocateliJimmerThatisAllBlindDefSlimAimeeHelene1DONTJIMMYMEJULZjustkeni11naughtywriter2kwirkyKerri
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  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Clearly (& happily) suffering from what I call the "Twitter Effect," when I realized I now admire women more for their wits, than their tits

    • 157
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    AimeeHelene1KBChicken75DONTJIMMYMEJULZjohneebegood1kwirkyKerriDearAuntAbbyMorganlizbeth81ShaeAaron
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    AimeeHelene1AadinOfficialBadApple2311kwirkyKerriLeagueofNopeblaha_WhoMasterOfFuryAlexCarlsbad
  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    I can only guess that whoever said, ''If you love something, set it free...'' lived a lonely life. If you love someone, fight to keep them.

    • 134
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    • 70
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  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    My Twitter crush drove 30 hrs for us to be together.A friend is crossing an ocean for her Twitter love. Twitter's pimp hand is international

    • 128
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  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Whatever doesn't kill you, makes...me re-strategize

    • 128
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  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    I couldn't count the number of times the “mood” has been ruined by my dates asking, “Shouldn’t you put some ointment on that?”

    • 121
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    WhatWeDoMattersAimeeHelene1DONTJIMMYMEJULZLeagueofNopeAllyBallyBealleikub__breatheandloveblaha_Who
    • 14
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  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    As I stand here alone in the cold,in the dead of night,looking up at the stars,I ask myself the age old question..why am I not getting laid?

    • 102
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  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Off to have sex...so you know, back in 3 minutes. Well, maybe 4...she might ask me to open a new pack of batteries before I leave *sigh*

    • 106
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  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    I guess my marriage was destined to fail...the night of our engagement, I also proposed to her sister, her Dad and a bottle of Jack Daniels

    • 104
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  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    No joke: spent entire day alone, watching “Sleepless In Seattle“, “P.S. I Love You” and “Love Actually”…my penis has fully retracted.

    • 110
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  • smirkykev
      SmirkyKev @smirkykev

    Assumption is nine-tenths of the flaw.

    • 76
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@smirkykev

@smirkykev

My wife's husband. My daughter's father.

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