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do not break my heart of stone; it's hard to get a replacement.
boss: ideas for Fun Friday?
me: can we all take a nap?
the only way to fix cluelessness is to kill that person.
does your significant other find your harmless flirting harmless?
I'm making conscious effort to treat you as a person. don't let me down.
99% of default text reaction: 'and you're telling me this because..?'
shit is when you just want to be in loner paradise and people think you're mad at them.
my face is tired.
can we buy people new ovaries so they stop acting like a bitch.
I like pissing people off by not being affected by them.
brewing a mug of kickass joe is as domesticated as I get.
guys, it is not okay for a girl to have arms more toned than yours. go lift some shit please.
life is short, do pretentious things.
if only people came with manuals; shut off, cook, mute forever, love, self-destruct.
what do you mean 'Hi'?
if patience was a currency, I'm broke as fuck.
did they say time is a healer or killer?
breaking point is when we turn into a Tyrannosaurus rex, right?
it's up to you if you give it up.
if you can learn it, you can beat them.
shamelessly obstinate. if you can fight my snark i will give you coffee.
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