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I wish eyes were a viable hole.
Fuck me like your personality fucks you.
My fart just sounded like duck rape
Fact: people don't like porn when it's laggy
If you can't trust a girl, you're doing it wrong.
I won't smoke you weed. But I will give you dabs. I like seeing people cough and get too high.
Goober on my Whopper so I can Starburst in your Sweet Tart then you can Fun Dip.
Dear Zippers that are on the left,
Who the fuck do you think you are!?
Tights are so girls can wear short skirts to work & not get written up. Not to dress up as a fat version of your favorite female superhero.
"Follow me. There's a fruit loop in the toilet bowl" ~my cat
Stop giving Michael Bay blowjobs, Megan Fox. You're ruining my childhood.
Stage dive for Jesus. Crowd surf for Christ.
Russia to the rest of the world: "Crimea River"
Hoppin down the wood fuckin bunnies shipping on carrot juice. Ears back. With my mind on some lettuce cuz eatin pellets ain't sublime.
Relationship status: wedlock deadlock
People are at their best when they don't.