this is your life. and it's ending one marlboro menthol at a time...

Where do the homeless go to jerk off? Reason # 382 not to use public restrooms.

girl: so, what do you do for a living?
me: i sling out corporate idioms all day, then come home and attempt to drink away the shame. you?

actually went and signed up on favstar so that I could ToD @paulypeligroso for this one,

RT "#FF Bolo Yeung's pecs in Bloodsport."

I wonder how much $ I've wasted setting the dryer back on for five min cause I'm just not in the mood to fold just then...

can't remember names of ppl I work with, or when the treaty of versailles was signed, but I know every MF'n line Of pulp fiction...

#fff - fabulouslyfunnyfuckers @karencreets, @thatfinguy, @thedairylanddon, @hkersting, @clifftweets - lotta coffee out nose on monitor times

bought my first bong this week. mid-life crisis right on schedule...

newbie shit aside... for my 100th follower, i shall bestow a trophy upon you. (got crack?)

why oh why do old people continue to wear spandex?

Wait a sec, you're telling me that I can't re-re-tweet, re-star, or re-cup tweets? WEAK!!!

i see that facebook stock continues to drop since i kilt my account last friday.

in related news, i notice we now have adds in our TL...

"dude, it's 1620..."

- army pothead

heading to aspen... therefore i spit out: "He who makes a beast of himself relieves himself the pain of being a man."

so, do ppl on tandem bicycles just not get it?

...just chuckeling over here cause i get and employ the wisdom of it all... <get that>

i vow not to pass the fuck out before getting my 100th... <just fell off bar stool, cracked noggin on... something hard... I'M GOOD>

just figured out all of the old spice body douche "fragrances" are the same damn goup... this is the kinda wisdom i really didn't need...

Fuck fucking fucked fucker fucking fuckups fuck fucking fucked fucking fuckup fucking fucker’s fuck...

ya know what's cool? funny people. ya know what's not cool? RELIGION...