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I think as humans we're all slowly evolving away from the drawer system and closer to a clothing-in-piles system.
"said no one, ever." -Said everyone, always
I only eat sugar if it is given to me or is free or is available for purchase.
she was like "My first name is Sigourney" and the whole world was just like "ok"
Can't stop, won't stop. #eatingsnacks
waiter: we are a gluten free restaurant, the burgers do not come on buns.
me: well then I guess my anaconda and I will be dining elsewhere
EMERGENCY-need place for an evac friend walkable from 79th& 1st ave this is a now thing
Went back in time &murdered Olaf Putt in his crib. Oh, you've never heard of him & America is not an apocalyptic wasteland? YOU'RE WELCOME.
If I do my hair and makeup perfectly and no one takes my picture one more time I am going to cut off my own head and I am not even kidding.
In honor of my birthday, can you all stop telling cities you are "inside" of them?
I like twitter better than facebook because on facebook everyone has kids and real lives and on twitter everyone is sad like me.
pizza is the new flowers
here's an idea if you have a friend named "Dan" call him "Pizza Dan" . If he asks why mention this tweet and receive a small frosty.
the subway is a rollercoaster that takes you to work
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