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I think as humans we're all slowly evolving away from the drawer system and closer to a clothing-in-piles system.
"said no one, ever." -Said everyone, always
I only eat sugar if it is given to me or is free or is available for purchase.
Can't stop, won't stop. #eatingsnacks
waiter: we are a gluten free restaurant, the burgers do not come on buns.
me: well then I guess my anaconda and I will be dining elsewhere
EMERGENCY-need place for an evac friend walkable from 79th& 1st ave this is a now thing
Went back in time &murdered Olaf Putt in his crib. Oh, you've never heard of him & America is not an apocalyptic wasteland? YOU'RE WELCOME.
If I do my hair and makeup perfectly and no one takes my picture one more time I am going to cut off my own head and I am not even kidding.
In honor of my birthday, can you all stop telling cities you are "inside" of them?
I like twitter better than facebook because on facebook everyone has kids and real lives and on twitter everyone is sad like me.
here's an idea if you have a friend named "Dan" call him "Pizza Dan" . If he asks why mention this tweet and receive a small frosty.
911? 9 SLEEVES OF THIN MINTS PLEASE IT'S AN EMERGENCY SHUT UP YOU'RE ILLEGAL
Guys, Patrick Stewart has looked exactly the same for 30 years and I am not kidding someone call science.
this is a song for anyone who can't get out of bed
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