@snyd's most faved Tweets...
Well, since Twitter isn't going to put food on the table I should probably go to work. I'm only two hours late.
In the midst of family crisis and the first thing they say to me is "Please don't Tweet about this." PROUDEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE.
fartdar: an uncanny ability to time your entrance into someone else's personal space at precisely the wrong time.
Evidently (or, so I've been told), I should have end up a whore or an alcoholic. Instead, here I am sexless and sober.
Life is so unfair.
Life is so unfair.
"Hey, I have an idea I'd like to run by you."
When you hear that coming from family, it's code for:
"Makin' plans to fuck with your life."
When you hear that coming from family, it's code for:
"Makin' plans to fuck with your life."
Moisturizer boogers: The icky hard thing that slips out on the first pump
Yeah, this tweet could've gone in a whole different direction.
Yeah, this tweet could've gone in a whole different direction.
ALERT:
Ice Cream. Chocolate. Cheese.
This message is brought to you by 'The Bitch Is Back' Early Warning Broadcasting System.
Ice Cream. Chocolate. Cheese.
This message is brought to you by 'The Bitch Is Back' Early Warning Broadcasting System.
Twitter is like a bag of potato chips:
"This is my last one."
"No this is."
"Now this is definitely my last one."
"I mean it this time."
"This is my last one."
"No this is."
"Now this is definitely my last one."
"I mean it this time."
There's one advantage to having a belly that big - hides your camel toe. And if you hadn't just arched your back, I would even have known.
Dear co-workers:
My apologies. What I meant to say was "Reese Pieces" - not that a peanut buttered flavoured penis doesn't sound enticing.
My apologies. What I meant to say was "Reese Pieces" - not that a peanut buttered flavoured penis doesn't sound enticing.
The more of your tweets I read, the more I wonder just how over medicated ya'all are (and where can I get some).
That little Catholic bitch inside my head says I'm going to hell because of Twitter and all the rest of you.
That better not be true.
That better not be true.
I burned my ass sitting on this heating pad too long. I have welts. ON MY ASS!
If that doesn't have sexy written all over it - what does???
If that doesn't have sexy written all over it - what does???
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