Ho down! But I'm ok, I just slipped.

"My throat is starting to hurt."
"Here suck on this lozenge."
"That's NO lozenge"
"Suck on it anyway."

Ahhh...romance.

WalMart, BigLots & Dollar General all in one day. It was the White Trash Trifecta.

And I think I won.

This yogurt needs something...

Like a cheeseburger and fries.

In support of all my Jewish friends today, I will eat all the food they cannot.

Today is my Nom Kippur.

Feed a cold, starve a fever. Give PMS anything it wants.
(Hence my coffee and oreos breakfast.)

2yo just walked into office CRYING that her "hat" is stuck on her head.

This is only tweet-worthy because her "hat" is the potty seat.

Hubs hung my towel as far away from the hot tub as possible. I think I just pulled the neighbor boys through puberty.

Tinsel is really not that festive when its peeking out your cat's behind.

"I found a kitty!"
"No more cats"
"But its hurt"
"No more cats, Jean"
"It's all white!"
"No. More. Cats."
"I shall call him Gabriel."
"Shit"

Monster on Sesame Street keeps talking about the "Triangle of Destiny" & giving me the giggles cuz thats what I call my favorite bikini wax

They say you are what you eat...I must have eaten way more muffin tops than I thought.

Last day of the month. Paying bills. Feels like everyone has a hand in my pocket ...

which is really not as fun as it sounds.

Somehow smashed my ankle on the foot of the couch.

Related: 2yo has 3 new colorful expletives to add to her already dicey vocabulary

No, thats not what my Pulse Perfection mascara wand was intended for...but I didn't get married with the intention of sleeping alone either.

My son's teacher didn't write *anything* in today's comment box. Not too shocking though - my kids usually leave their teachers speechless.

Ooo, need to get dressed. Client will be here with his check this morning. Don't want him to get confused as to what he's paying for.

My throat feels like I went down on a man wearing a barbed-wire condom.

I paint a pretty picture, don't I?

Dammit, Facebook is down. Now who's gonna tell me which OPI Nailpolish I am?

Literally just told my 14yo "There is one Mother in this house and its me!" Immediately started laughing. God help me.