Dear lady in stirrup pants: either it's your car or it isn't. Guy's gonna yell 'ready' one more time then roll it into the street. #carwash

@ille_crop That tickle in the throat as it goes down is what makes it so thrilling

@ille_crop the traditional way of consuming such a delicacy

@ille_crop Can we just float them on a barge out in the middle of the ocean and tell them we'll send money later?

@ille_crop He lost a bunch of weight and became a fat-shaming asshole.

@dog_of_flame It...started out well.

@dog_of_flame this is the sexiest tweet i've ever read

I'm a failure! Merry xmas!

@dog_of_flame Excellent -- let me know when you're getting here, I'll put my robe on.

@geekrebellion While I'm flattered you want me to know who you just woke up next to, I think you might have been hacked!

“I think there are many actresses that could play [The Doctor] because there are so many wonderful actres…” http://t.co/BKQeULX3

Doom Metal Has a Dirty, Soothing Secret: It's a Lot Like New-Age Music - The Atlantic http://t.co/E3FZXE7j

@dog_of_flame Seriously

Stfu gotye

We don't need info on Magnus; his entire character, last name and penis size has been canonized by the fans already.

I wish I was talented enough at anything I enjoyed to actually get paid for it.

R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" Returns | News | Pitchfork (via @pitchforkmedia) http://t.co/p7Wm4fxe THIS IS LIKE MY TWILIGHT YOU GUYS

GET OUT OF HERE ADOBE UPDATEDER NO MEANS NO

@rdfrclnt One day, Chris Brown may yet teach the world how to love.

These Hot Pockets are Limited Edition. You can't even HANDLE my life.