Prince Harry's punishment deployment to Afghanistan is bad marketing for Las Vegas. "What Happens In Vegas, Sends You To Afghanistan."

Wish the US Emergency Alert System was built to just repeat Whoopi's "Molly, you in danger girl" line from Ghost when there is real trouble

I always wanted to buy Cracker Barrel and rename it Honky Bucket.

It's okay, Harold. Biblical math isn't your strong suit. Here's a large print Readers Digest. Run along. That's a good boy. #rapture

Kid Rock. Jenna Jameson. Lindsay Lohan. Romney is lining up the endorsement HITS! Who's next? OJ Simpson? The ghost of John Wayne Gacy?

Prince stares at you. You don’t stare at Prince.

Why is Rhianna dancing in front of a computer generated effect from 1993? #snl

Okay, Kim Jong-un. We get it. You're a tough guy. Calm down. Put on some PJ's with cartoon basketballs on them. It's March Madness, bro.

Umm, Bow Wow? You might want to stay off Twitter today. #RappersMoreRelevantThanBowWow

Mom, if you hear a didgeridoo, for God's sake, that means you can't come in my room!

Well, Korean War is back on. Better tell my Grandpa to suit up and get back out there.

Netflix is down again. Your family is boring. Go hide in the garage until this passes. Don't make a single sound.

HUGE HOBBIT SPOILER: Led Zeppelin IV

Penn State is going to have to plan the mother of all bake sales.

Gotta say, it's amazing to see these trends all at once. RIP #MCA http://t.co/Uc0Bm4I9

If Yankee Candle was going for realistic scents, Country Kitchen would smell like shattered football dreams & Dad's drinking problems.

I’m crying. Only because I couldn’t find the remote to mute Anne Hathaway’s speech in time. #oscars

Found Adam Levine's notebook called "Dumb Shit 4 Songs." It's all in there. Jagger. Payphone. The next song is about breaking up in a canoe.

Maya Angelou emails support for Obama. The Romney/Ryan equivalent is probably going to be Scott Stapp from Creed. He's a poet as well.

BREAKING: Minnesota called for Paul Westerberg. #JustSomethingIWantToSee