People seriously underestimate the power of a good conversation.

I strongly believe I would be a much better person if I were constantly slightly drunk

I wish commercials used swears. I'd be so much more tempted to buy a "fucking" couch than just "a" couch.

I have no idea what I'm doing lately but I've decided to just kinda go with it.

there's only one person whose opinion of you matters and they can be found in the mirror.

Free Christmas cookies for whoever this tequila texts tonight.

Using the Swiffer Wet Jet on the ceiling cause it was THAT kinda night.

The Canadian in me would trade 5 years of my life for some poutine right now.

When Christmas music comes on in the car, I'm torn between changing the station and opening the door and lauching myself into the ditch.

This is the second time in the past month that I've been up early enough to consider myself anything more than just a lazy ass.

My boss gave me Tuesday off to watch the Victoria Secret fashion show cause I started drooling about a month ago and he understands.

My dog is asleep on my chest so there is no valid argument against the fact that he is the luckiest dog in the world.

We aren't who we were and who we are now won't last.

taylor swift started playing on the radio when I came back from my break at work so I took another break

Imagine eating so much mayonnaise that you got full.

time to funnel some liquor

my favourite kind of beer is an open one

When the server's adding extra cheese and they say "just say when!" it gets really awkward when I don't.

Witnessed a 12 year old in McDonalds claim he was "craving bitches." Fought hard with the instinct to push his face into the deep fryer.

This cold makes my voice sound like Darth Vader so people with a Star Wars fetish get at me.