@jakefogelnest hey jake I am about to #pop some #tags lol!!!! #thriftshop #thriftswag #konyswag pic.twitter.com/S6kjR2NNsE

A boy band full of frustrated people from infomercials, clumsily stumbling through the choreography & knocking things over

Freaky Friday 2: Dave Navarro swaps bodies with a kid who leaves his t-shirt on in the pool

If I was a wizard, I would just travel around to different stadium fields & turn the baseballs into cantaloupes right as they got pitched

I learned from movies that if you wake up & discover you swapped bodies with someone, you need to grab/slap your face & scream into a mirror

DJ GUY AT THE PARTY IN THE BEDROOM WITH ALL THE COATS FIGHTING ON THE PHONE WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND WHOM IS STUDYING ABROAD *airhorn*

"Wild for the night.....bein' polite" - the edited version from the radio which makes the song way funnier

With the substitution of "V" to "B", a vending machine can go from "convenient snack dispenser" to "nightmare tool of bodily contortion"

Secret Diary Comics: My Summer Guide to Sneaking Refreshments into the Movies  http://tmblr.co/ZLOAFxmVZTXh 

If I was a snake, I would pick a freeze pop wrapper out of the garbage and use it as a poncho

It's true, I will repeatedly sneeze into a megaphone outside of your local business for an hourly rate

Remember that one summer where everyone was all "hey look, it's a misting squirt bottle with a tiny fan on the end of it"

Every meal for an otter is like breakfast in bed!! hahaha i need to be an aqarium tour guide holy shit

Listening to the sweet, tender croons of Adam Levine inside of a @mcdonalds bathroom

Today I took my dog in the car and he was like turn up the jams& stuck a piece of ham in the cassette deck and I was like this is not music

If you bite into string cheese like it's a banana, you're a horrible monster who probably lives in an inbred swamp hut

My mom messes up "Coldstone" with "Stone Cold" which explains why she ordered Birthday Cake Remix with a Bud Light dumped all over it.

If I see that David Guetta headphone commercial one more time, I'm going back to using the term "freedom fries"

Hey, one of my prints will be in the @bellykids exhibition at the @visionsfestival  http://tmblr.co/ZLOAFxlW437I 

I am paying a colony of bees to write my tweets. One bee per button on my keyboard. They use teamwork when the shift bee has to hold down