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There should be a Muppet Christmas special where Drake and Miss Piggy sing "Baby It's Cold Outside"
Having a gingerbread house contest in my basement vs. my grandma. She's hogging all the Raisinets I was using on my roof as reindeer pellets
"Your Dad still uses Amazon Fresh instead of Amazon Prime Air? What are you guys, poor or something?" - Middle school bullies of the future
At my retail job, they play a version of N*Sync's Christmas song where "god sends you his love" is censored
A moment of silence for all of the spambots who will be trampled to death on Cyber Monday
Obama addresses the nation on how to achieve the perfect smoky eye
Kmart clerk Rob,17, had erected an immaculate, pristine tower of Shrek DVDs before shoppers toppled his life's work & shattered his reality
guys Im in the igloo of overturned carts in aisle6. Do the secret knock &come help me pry off these security tags. They can't stop all of us
I could probably recite the entire M&Ms commercial where they faint from seeing Santa because it's actually as old as I am
If you were a mangy coyote on Black Friday, you'd be camping out by a dumpster to be the first one to chew on an old flip flop
I spotted a nice big piece of golden brown, moist, crunchy turkey skin & then I realized it was just Iggy Pop laying on the table shirtless
I hope everyone spends this holiday the way it was meant to be spent- by getting too high & watching a theater cam bootleg of "Free Birds"
My favorite part of being at the Macy's parade was everyone yelling "CURIOUS GEORGE!!! CURIOUS GEORGE" at the Paul Frank balloon
"Thank you for all the seeders that allowed us to torrent this turkey in time to get it 3D printed for dinner" - saying grace in the future
Park your giblets at the kids' table ya little Tom Turkeys, your Uncle Ron has a little something to say about Obama's birth certificate
In Macy's Parade float fashion, it's my family's tradition that we sit around the table & lip sync to a pre-recorded dinner conversation
Now that your parents know what "twerking" is and it sounds similar to "turkey", get ready for a bunch of horrible ad campaigns
Nothing says Brooklyn like a leather faux alligator-skin snapback that reads "Brooklyn" by Jay-Z for $875 exclusively at Barney's
At what time does Obama give out the medal for best minimalist graphic design "Inception" poster
I make art & illustrations in the post-aggro tweenwave turbo-slime genre. http://loganfitzpatrick.com