i want drugs. i want massive amounts of drugs. i want the maximum legal limit of drugs.

you're the dumbest of all dumb people if you don't follow @thebabiamajora

you can't spell dumb without peta.

that cardboard aftertaste is definitely the best part of microwaveable fries.

being a habitual line-stepper is a complicated life choice.

hahahaha this is the main reason i love @aishatyler and #archer so much http://t.co/Pl2dzgN

@lisa_veronica everything you just said was fucking hot. God bless you aussies.

thank you, universe, that @teganandsara came into existence on this day 32 years ago.

oh gods is the new tegan and sara album going to be good. that closer song? loves it.

@alisonagosti @poormegan @theseanbrewster @mischkanelson best. i can't stop laughing.

RT if you're a white girl who's ever gotten braids on vacation somewhere tropical.

why does everybody want to date me? i'm not interested unless you're a fictional character or a celebrity.

i like to emphasise my nevers with ever.

trying to start a Forever Lazy gang with some friends (without their knowledge) #foreverlazyinception

@alisonagosti @imchriskelly i love you both.

instagram is pretty much the photo equivalent of telling a boring story at a loud volume to make it seem more interesting. #itstillsucks

@nacotaco dood i was gonna nap too but i just saw Wambach's abs so i think i'll put the pocky down and workout.

I want a Wambach hug. #worldcup

hey, weezer, do me a favor and die before i start hating old weezer too. thanks.

my nails look as if i've been giving complimentary back scratches to the homeless.