I think I'm a lesbian! They don't like bones in their fish, right?

Once in a while, i like to just concentrate on the cock in my face without being distracted by someone's tongue in my ass, you know?

I think my mom used my weed as a garnish cause everybody is giggling and my 10yr old just said "I can't feel my face!" Best easter ever!

Seriously, what's with pedophiles? Kids are fucking hideous.

I thought my mom was being pretty cool when she told me that if I left my drink unattended some guy might put drugs in it and rape me later.

Do flat bottomed girls make anything go round?

I just know I'm gonna fall asleep in the shower, leg up, massager in hand, and my kid is going to find me like that.

There is no i in semen. So there had better be no semen in my i.

I like a guy who capitalizes 'Vag'. Shows he knows who's really ruling the world.

Wait. Some of you know these people IN REAL LIFE?!? I just swallowed my gum.

Who wants to run away to Colombia with me? We will live naked on the beach and snort really good coke til we die!

I just chugged Nyquil. In the drug store. In my pyjamas and slippers. And puffy coat. With a throw rug wrapped around my shoulders.

FACT: The only alcohol that doesn't go with coffee is rubbing. (And that's only because of the aftertaste.)

Drivin' to work with a supersize Slushie cup to puke into. Cause that's how I roll.

Ladies: there are guys who will buy your used tampons and store them in a freezer until hunting season for use as bear bait. So there's that

"Where's my breakfast, bitch!?" Me to my 11yo son just now. His reply? *fullmoon*

Can I just say two things? First: I love all uh youse guys. Thanks for not choking me. And second: I forget but it was really inspiring.

Electrical tape as a method of birth control...Discuss.

FACT: when I meet people I'll never see again, I say I'm from Vagina and if they notice, I say, Yeah, Regina is nice. Yanks never get it.

I wasn't aware that an exfoliating facial included the removal of the outermost layer of skin on my EYEBALL!