Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
For some it's easier to become numb rather than feel.
This tendency is the root cause of depression.
To assume that our fore bearers lacked insight into the human condition is the highest forms of ignorance and arrogance.
Do any of you actually appreciate getting Christmas cards? I'm not sure i do.
Today's happiness will be sponsored by Jack Daniels and the repetitive chanting of "I should have known better"
Me: Are you a natural blonde?
Her: No. I’m a supernatural blonde.
*runs fingers through her ghost hair*
*walks through wall*
Why did I just favorite a tweet where somebody *stabbed* me? *shrugs shoulders* oh well
I literally used a garbage bag as a plunger to get my toilet unclogged. Gross but necessary.
When I feign a phone disconnect, I let her say "hello" 214 times before letting her off the hook.
How does anyone take Eminem seriously? He sounds like an angry Muppet.
No I am not similar to a fucking racist, cunty, anti-Semite. Suck it twitter. I love every motherfucking body. But not that person.
Been watering a fake plant every day for 6 months, incase any ladies are looking for a guy with a well above exceptionally high intelligence
Guys I woke up I am in a house of some kind.
There were probably a lot of times in Parker's life when he thought, "Yeah, I killed him. But I could have done it with a lot more style."
My favorite aunt in the whole wide world is *bows on knees* CANCER FREE!!
I still like "Milkshake" tweets. Does that make me a bad person?
Twitter allows the winners to act like losers and the losers to act like winners. In the end you still are who you are.
"Hey Joe. Here's that gun you were asking for."
Autocorrect when you're drunk has to be the single worst thing to experience like ever in the world forever and ever.
Its my party, I can cry if I want to!
Sir, this isnt a party, this is Dunkin Donuts. If youre gonna eat that entire tray, youll have to pay
This morning my pyjama wang slot got caught on the kitchen cabinet door knob. Took me over 2 minutes to figure out what was going on.