Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I hate hearing about Disney on Ice and then getting disappointed every time when it's not Walt Disney in cryo-sleep
With the passing of every year Tilda Swinton becomes closer and closer to becoming David Bowie. #gg
To the guy driving a Prius in a snow storm: You might be trying to save the environment, but that environment is trying to kill you.
Vegetarians always ask if I could eat a steak from a cow I raised from a calf. My answer is no. I would eat it as veal way before it grew up
Happy Mother's Day to all those mothers out there. Wrangle as many moths as possible.
I've always wondered why I rub people the wrong way. Then I realized I shouldn't rub people at all.
Animal Planet is starting a show about guys who think mermaids are real. My life is now complete.
Some days it feels like you can't do anything right. Unless you're me and then it's everyday.
Apparently you can be a ‘singer/songwriter’ without actually being good at either of those things.
I bet this gets 0 retweets.
Your binder joke sucks.
Should I watch the debates or go to open mic? Either way I'm going to be watching shitty comedians.
Horses are the black athletes of animals. They're stronger, faster, and when they do well, white people make money. Also the penis thing.
Comedian, Cat Enthusiast, Manic Depressive taking four pills a day so i don't kill myself. Other than that I'm pretty happy.