For people who keep tweeting me that I'm the number 2 most Hated in America. Please check yourself ... I AM ALWAYS NUMBER 1

Will @kimkardashian make more money from the wedding storyline or the divorce? #hustler

My birthday wish for @laurenconrad is for her to find true love like #Speidi

#stevejobs resigns. Apple says new CEO will be better, faster, and will be replaced by near identical CEO in 6 months.

I need to polish my crystal balls when I get home. #wizardproblems

I love America!

I love being alive!
I hope you love living!

Happy Birthday to the Prince of Malibu @brodyjenner !

I should have never left #USC to be on The Hills ! One of the worst decisions of my life!

I'm so happy for @kimkardashian and @kaynewest they deserve each other!
#kimye #love

@laurenconrad Happy Birthday! Thanks for helping me find my miracle wife @heidimontag !

Let's all have the best day ever today!

At least its NOT Monday!

I wasn't being sarcastic! I really do wish the best for @laurenconrad on her birthday! #forgiveandforget

One thing I have learned from twitter...
Twitter is dangerous. #watchwhatyoutweet

Thank You #troops for defending our #Independence! @usarmy, @usnavy, @usairforce, @usmc, @uscg, @usnationalguard , via @deptofdefense

I don't find the funny bone funny.

True love is when I give @heidimontag the last cookie dough bites of the ice cream!

I love that a negative and negative is a positive.

Congratulations @kristincav on Camden's birth!
I'm free to be the Godfather if you need one!