@spike1201's (Spike) most faved Tweets...
Wow—Baby's gas STUNK today! Watching the bubbles rise to the surface during bath time was the last thing we saw before passing out.
9
There's an Xbox signed by Sarah Palin available on eBay for $1.1 million. You know the signature is authentic because it's 2/3 complete.
8
Getting better at reading baby...
Red Face: Elimination imminent.
Curled Tongue Jabs: Hungry Baby
Inverted Pockets: My bookie's a thief!
Red Face: Elimination imminent.
Curled Tongue Jabs: Hungry Baby
Inverted Pockets: My bookie's a thief!
8
My Bride won two awards at the Christmas Party at the bowling alley: Best Team Score and Most Spares.
It's official: I have a Trophy Wife.
It's official: I have a Trophy Wife.
7
Baby pooped in the tub. She POOPED……IN THE TUB.
Worst part: it was my Bride's birthday so she looked at me smugly and said "Go Fish!"
Worst part: it was my Bride's birthday so she looked at me smugly and said "Go Fish!"
7
Awe crap. I totally forgot to remember the milk.
And the Titans.
And the Alamo.
...
What were we talking about again?
And the Titans.
And the Alamo.
...
What were we talking about again?
7
Spent 30min. taxiing the Tarmac—I was suspecting the pilot had decided to drive us to MI instead. Ok, as long as I don't have to pay tolls.
7
Took a glance inside a McDonald's here in Rome. Not one customer nor employee was overweight. I guess they're not lovin' it.
7
Off 2 Rome today. I set my iPhone clock to Roman Numerals before placing in my Hawaiian shirt pocket—don't want 2 be looking like a tourist.
7
Our washing machine broke. It agitates but won't spin.
Now that I think about it, I guess I should stop calling it Fox News until fixed.
Now that I think about it, I guess I should stop calling it Fox News until fixed.
7
Aaaaand the milk's gone. Great. Now I have to throw away the rest of these Oreos. WHERE'S YOUR RESEALING FLAP NOW, COOKIES?!?
Sugar's hard.
Sugar's hard.
7
Bathtime paused. Baby winces. Shouts loudly, disguising a BOOMing toot. Her privacy betrayed—it's the only kind of fart we can see. Busted.
6
This is a test.
No it isn't!
YES IT IS!
DON'T YELL AT ME!
Sorry. I don't like it when U get that way.
I'm sorry too.
———
Internal conflict.
No it isn't!
YES IT IS!
DON'T YELL AT ME!
Sorry. I don't like it when U get that way.
I'm sorry too.
———
Internal conflict.
6
This button titled "Select All" ought to really go by its true identity: "Select Mostly"
I need an intern to give this button a pep talk.
I need an intern to give this button a pep talk.
6
If I had a dime for every night I came up with a hilarious tweet but forgot it by morning, I'd have $.32 and a right eye that twitched less.
6
As Baby practices her walking skills, I'm left with new unmistakable evidence that she's indeed mine: walking farts.
5
I can easily detect how bad Baby's gas is by how many LEDs light up on the room monitor in front of m...WHOA!!! THAT ONE WAS BIG!! Gotta go.
5
"Always use in a well ventilated area."
I submit that they do not know their target market. If it was vented, I wouldn't need this stuff.
I submit that they do not know their target market. If it was vented, I wouldn't need this stuff.
4
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