Hey guys? I only need 4,552 followers to reach 5,000! Help a gal out? #jk #niner

If you're fortunate enough to have all you need.... remember folks like @pghfoodbank are suffering budget cuts. Donate.  http://www.pittsburghfoodbank.org/ 

I'm pretty sure one of the 7 circles of hell includes being stuck behind a garbage truck on the way to work with no way of passing it.

So, the bouncer asked me if I'm 21 and then gave me a wrist band. Didn't actually ID me. But I'm totally pretending he did.

I like seeing opinions, at least the legitimately founded ones. When your opinion is I AM RIGHT AND YOU ARE WRONG IN ALL OF THE THINGS? No.

OH: You guys that just use GPS are going to be screwed in the Zombie Apocalypse. *I* have an atlas. I'll survive.

I really can't be everything to everyone. I'm sorry. I'm trying to keep up.

How long are you supposed to wait to exercise after eating? It's, like, a week, right?

Friend just texted to ask if I wanted a 12 y/o. Asked her if she was talking about whiskey. (I bet I could name 4 ppl that'll star this)

OH: I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.

If you're having a bad day & struggling to hang in, someone else may be going thru the same, & you may be what helps them get by! :-)

I accidentally faved my own tweet this evening. Next up, I'll awkwardly high 5 myself, then maybe slap my own ass & call out "Good game!"

If you go anywhere to shop tonight/tomorrow, don't say to the cashier "It's such a shame you have to work today!" - it's just rude.

Pro tip: if I can see your butt crack, your belt isn't performing its assigned job duties.

I gotta say this, then I'll feel better: HOLY WIND, BATMAN! Chicago's the windy city, my ass! Ok I feel better now.

That's not what she said. RT @joe_yinzer: Nice period!

Contact out. Glasses on. Makeup off. Skull pants and couch. What up, Saturday night?

If you don't know this song & don't listen to it now, we're no longer friends. #Alive by @adelitasway

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRs-1QVo4_M …

My sister shared this on my wall on FB. So true! http://t.co/tv8bWgWy

There seems to be a lot of pregnant going on around me...